The First Presentation

So last Sunday I did my fundraising presentation for my congregation I attend while at school. Let me just say that even though it's a tiny church, they are some of the most loving people you will ever meet in your life. Walking into that church feels like coming home.

They set aside Bible class time for me. 45 minutes. I wasn't sure I was going to be able to take the whole time, but it actually worked out well. The presentation itself took about half an hour which left time for questions. The questions took about 15 minutes so it was timed perfectly.

One thing I've discovered so far, the most difficult thing is talking to people you know. You would think it wouldn't be. I mean you know the people, the people know you. It should be a good thing, but for me it is extremely difficult to ask people you know for money. I've found this with my job at SPU's phone center as well. It's because you kind of know about people and what some of their means are and you feel really awkward. Plus you're invested in these people and you want their approval. It's a little scary to give a presentation to them because what if you mess up, or they judge you. I get worried about what people will think. But I digress.

The congregation was extremely enthusiastic. Which made me feel encouraged. I was also encouraged by the fact that they are going to put me on their prayer list and petition the Father on my behalf.

It's a really good feeling, to know that people are praying for you. Lately I've felt that I'm going to really need said prayers. I've been feeling inadequate. Like I'm not going to know enough to be able to effectively minister to the people of St. Petersburg. I can feel this turning into a separate blog post, so I'm just going to stop there.

My congregation had a little reception for me before services Sunday evening since I'm graduating and all. They also presented me with a Bible they had all signed which was awesome. In addition they told me that the collection they take up on May 15th is going to go to me and they would also like to support me monthly! Thank God for their warmth and generosity. Going to be talking with them about how much monthly support they'd like to give over the next couple of weeks.

I'm home for Easter this weekend and while I'm here, I'm going to be talking to my Sponsoring Congregation about when they would like me to do my presentation. Originally, I was going to go to Abilene, TX for a missions conference during the weekend of the 15th but apparently they cancelled it, which I was really disappointed about. In any case, it actually works out because I'm going to see if Alliance would like me to speak on that date. I'm also going to be talking to them about taking up a special collection to support my mission.

There is one other congregation I need to make arrangements with. They have connections to people at Alliance, and have been looking to support foreign missions. Apparently they heard about what I am planning on doing and definitely want me to come and speak. I'm actually going to be seeing some people from that congregation on Sunday and so plan on talking to them about when they would like me to come.

So I have three congregations lined up. I've already had a few gifts come in which is awesome. In addition, I won a language prize in Russian at SPU which came with money. I've committed that to the mission. So far, God has blessed me with several hundred dollars. I say it like that because honestly, the money I've received so far has come through no effort of my own. It just kind of appeared. Which is awesome! My mother thinks that God wants me to be there.

It's hard not to worry about the money. I need quite a bit to make it through the year. But I'm trying to keep in mind that God seems to have his hand in this trip from the beginning. From the time I called ACU and got the wrong department until now. He's made it happen and guided it and I pray that he continues to look on this with favor.

I'm getting ready to send out info packets to individuals and some other local congregations. Please continue to pray as I work toward raising the support I need.

Presentation

I finally finished my fundraising presentation. It was a load off my mind. Nice to have it done and now I can finally start giving it. Which by the way, my first presentation is tomorrow, at the congregation here where I go to school. They told me they would be my Guinea Pigs. XD

I've been feeling more like a missionary lately. Does that even make sense? Maybe it's a sense that "yes, this is what I'm going to be doing the next year of my life." Or maybe it's just that I can think about it more now that school is winding down for the last time. In any case, I've been thinking a lot about fundraising, suitcase packing, insurance and various other odds and ends. Going to have to explore these feelings more.

In any case, my presentation is, of course, all about my trip, goals, and of course a plea for money. It's funny how life skills can help you though. I've worked like two years at SPU's phone center calling Alumni and raising funds for them. Giving a fundraising presentation is basically the same thing, only the money goes to directly support my work.

One question that people have been asking me already is if I'm using PowerPoint for this presentation. The answer is "no." Having spent the last three years listening to professors "teach" using PowerPoint, I've decided that I am on a personal crusade to take down the software. Okay, not really. I've just decided that I'm tired of it. Last semester I found out about this great presentation software called Prezi. It's better than PowerPoint because it does away with the tediousness of slides. In addition it has a nice flow. If you are interested to see how I've utilized this software for fundraising, you can view the presentation below.

I'm slightly nervous about giving this presentation tomorrow. I think mostly because it's the first time I've done it. The more times I do it, the easier it will get. I remember how after a time or two giving presentations to English classes the last time I was in Russia, it kind of worked itself out and was no big deal. Hopefully this will be the same way.

Fundraising on Prezi

My Identity Through Song

For my music class, I had to write an essay about a song that defines my life. The following essay is what resulted.

When I found out the topic for this essay, I had no trouble thinking of a song to fit my life. Throughout my years, there have been many songs that have been many things to me, but there has only been one that quintessentially sums up my life and that is “Breakaway” by Kelly Clarkson. This song was a single from her 2004 album of the same name. About the time this song came out, I was in high school making some big decisions in my life and “Breakaway” became my favorite because it so perfectly described my life; where I'd come from and where I was going.

I grew up on my family's farm in rural Ohio. My family was large and ever present and I never lacked for love or attention, but there was a part of me that was searching for something else. Clarkson's lyrics follow the same pattern. The first verse of the song talks about growing up in a small town and wondering what it would be like to get out and see the world. “Dreamin' of what could be and if I'd end up happy, I would pray,” Even as a kid I never wanted to follow the paths that everyone else did. I always wanted to get out and do something different with my life.

The second half of the first verse also describes my life. I never quite felt like I completely fit in during my high school years. While many students focused on clothes, parties and a social life, I preferred reading. I guess you could say I was rather nerdy which wasn't the cool thing to be in high school. I had a small group of friends which helped, but there were times when I felt completely isolated from my peers. Much like the song, there were times that I tried to “reach out, but when I tried to speak out, felt like no one could hear me.” So I accepted the fact that I was the way I was and did my best to get through high school.

An opportunity for change presented itself to me during my senior year of high school. It was what I had been waiting for, a chance to, “spread my wings and learn how to fly,” I applied for and was accepted into Rotary Youth Exchange. After high school graduation, I would be taking a year to go to Russia as an exchange student. Not only that, but I was going to be living in Siberia which seemed like even more of an adventure. I was extremely excited about this opportunity. It would allow me to get out of my small town and see the world. Maybe I wouldn't be lying on beaches like Clarkson in her second verse, (Siberian winters are extremely cold after all), but I was putting myself out there and trying to risk it all to do something different with my life just like the song's chorus “make a wish, take a chance, make a change and breakaway.”

“I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly, though it's not easy to tell you goodbye,” Clarkson sings in the final repetition of the chorus. It wasn't easy to tell my family and friends goodbye, but going to Russia was one of the best decisions I've ever made. That year long journey taught me a lot about who I was and what I was capable of. It also strengthened my relationship with God and made me realize just how much I need him in my life.

It has been almost a full three years since I've been back in the States. I'm getting ready to graduate and though I'm going to be heading back to Russia to do mission work for a year, I no longer put “Breakaway” on repeat and listen to it over and over. That stage of my life has passed. Now it doesn't matter whether I fit in or not. What matters is that I have gained confidence in the knowledge of who I am and what I can do.

Relief

Let me just take a moment and tell you how awesome God is.
I just came off of spring break. Well, it was sort of a break but I did do a ton of homework and such while at home, because, well, there's a lot of it to do. By the end of my time at home, I'd gotten through some things and worked really hard at it, but there were still some things that needed to be done.

Friday for example, I went to bed thinking "Okay, I have this ten page paper that's due Tuesday and I have no topic and not a lot of research. Plus I have a Psych test on the same day that I haven't studied for yet and..." The list went on, full of things I had to do my first few days back or shortly thereafter. Even though there were only six weeks of school left, I had no idea how I was going to get through them. I thought to myself "If only the paper were due Thursday, then I would have time to do it." Then I thought to myself "Well, with God all things are possible and he'll get me through the next six weeks." I feel asleep.

When I woke up on Saturday morning, I checked my e-mail. The professor of the class where I had to write the paper informed us that she was moving the due date to Thursday. I was happy. "Good," I thought. "Now I'll be able to get this stuff done." Yet life can be tricky. I didn't get as much done as I hoped and I was super stressed. I was really upset when my parents brought me back to school Sunday night. How am I ever going to get this stuff done? I just kept telling myself that it would work out somehow, I had no idea how. But it would.

Sunday afternoon, I worked on research for my paper, and I kind of forgot that I had that Psych test on Tuesday. It's okay I can always study tomorrow. Monday, one thing lead to another and it was 11 p.m. before I was able to even open my notes and look at them. Fail. I prayed. "Dear Lord just please get me through this test tomorrow. Please. Have mercy on me because I didn't study. Help me."

When I got the test on Tuesday, I started to panic looking at the multiple choice questions. I prayed again, flipped the test to the back and started with the short answer. After answering a few questions there and mentally chanting a prayer "Lord, Help me! Help me! Help me!" My brain seemed to unlock and I was able to at least complete the test. After I made it through, I decided that my Tuesday afternoon would be dedicated to finishing stuff for my online class that's due Thursday and then I would spend Wednesday afternoon writing my paper. It was a great idea, except my professors had other plans.

My translation professor gave us a huge translation due Thursday, plus a final draft of another translation also due Thursday. So now I had an entire unit to do for my online class, two translations to work on and a ten-page paper, all due Thursday. So last night, I spent hours working on the online class. I managed to even beast the test which made me happy.

This brings us to this afternoon. I get back from class and I'm like "Okay, I'm going to do the translation first because it won't take as long, and then I'll do as much as I can on the paper. If worse comes to worse, I'll e-mail her and ask for an extension through the weekend, because once I get through the week, I'll have time to do it." So I sit down at the computer. Before getting started, I decide to check my e-mail because the Prof in the class where the paper's due said she would send us some information. There was no e-mail from her, but my psych prof sent one saying she had posted the grades. I went and checked mine and immediately began giggling hysterically. My roommate asked what was going on. "Would you believe it? I got a 90! I did better on this exam than my last exam!" God is awesome. And before you go saying "Yeah, right you prayed and he gave you an A." Let me just explain a little more because it gets better.

So I was trying to decide if I wanted to e-mail the other prof about a paper extension now, or wait and see how much I got done. I decided to look at my e-mail again and keep it pulled up in case she did e-mail. To my surprise when I reloaded the page, there was a note from her. It's subject "Paper Extension." My breath caught as I opened it.

"Dear Students, I was having trouble uploading some things so I will try it again tonight. In the meantime, I'm extending your paper due date to Tuesday, April 5th."

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! <----- That's what I did. My roommate goes "Are you okay?" I replied that I wasn't sure whether I wanted to laugh or cry. She gave me a funny look and went to class. Turns out I did both. I laughed and then I hit the floor literally crying in relief. Whereas before all I could do was say "Lord have mercy, help me" over and over now all I could say is "Thank you!"

Maybe it's a coincidence. It's possible I suppose. I don't know what it was about the situation. I mean, I kept telling myself it would work out. I don't know that I felt like I had complete trust that it would, but deep down I think I knew that this was fleeting. Maybe it has nothing to do with prayer and everything to do with people. It's possible. But let me explain that in my time here I don't think I've ever had a paper due date moved before. If I have it's only been once. Never twice. I wasn't sure I'd be able to do it, but doggone it I was going to try and I was determined to make it through this week. Now I know I'm going to.

The first thing I thought of when I got up was the parable Jesus tells Simon Peter in Luke 7. Jesus talks about two men who are in debt. One owes fifty denarii and one five hundred. The man whom they are indebted to cancels both debts. Jesus' then asks "Which will love him more?" and Peter answers the one who had the greater debt. I feel like I understand that man in debt a little better now.

Christian Training School

This is not part of the WWW curriculum, but is something I've been doing on my own. Every year, the local congregations in my area get together for a Christian Training School. We spend five consecutive Monday nights taking a class. Every year the class choices are based on different topics, and there are always interesting selections. This year among the offerings was a class on Islam, a singing class, a history of the church and a forgiveness class. I took the Ladies' class this year which is basically "Women in Missions Here and Abroad." Coincidence that they're offering this class while I just happen to be getting ready for a year long mission? Well, my mom is the coordinator for the class this year and was having trouble coming up with ideas... ;)

Anyway, each week we have different women coming in to speak about what it's like on the mission field. My mom was worried that the class was going to get boring because every week someone was going to stand up and give a sort of mission travelogue. It hasn't been that way at all though. Each speaker we've had has brought a new and different perspective to the area of missions. Whether it's a single woman working in Honduras, a married woman who spent two weeks in Romania, a newer Christian trying to shine her light at her workplace, or the ways in which local congregations are reaching out to their communities.

It has been an eye-opening experience and has given me a lot of food for thought and good ideas to incorporate into my own journey. If you are someone who is planning on going into missions, I would definitely recommend spending time talking to people who've been in the field and get some firsthand accounts of what it's really like.

Why Russia?

A lot of people ask me the following question. "Why did you decide to study Russian?" Sometimes I occasionally get the question "Why are you going to Russia?" Although I generally try to head this one off before it gets asked. It's true confessions of Abigail time in the blog today. As I was getting ready for the day I was doing some thinking and realized something.

Russia scares me.

Yes, that's right. You heard me correctly. Russia scares me. Funny isn't it? I've learned the language and culture of a place that I'm hesitant to go to. I spent ten and a half months in a place that I don't like.

What is it about that place that scares me?
I have no idea.
It's not really that I'm terrified for my personal safety or anything. There are just somethings about Russia that are intimidating.
It could be the wildness of the country, how it's not really European, it's its own place. It could be the government, it could be the cities, it could be the language or the people. It could be the history, the school system, the healthcare system, the food, the living style. It could be because my exchange year was rough sometimes. Or it could be a combination of all of the above and more.

So why am I going to Russia if it's a scary place?
The easy answer would be "God called me," but that would be ducking out without answering the question and not to be rude, but we all get tired of hearing people talk about "God's Call." Do I feel like God is calling me to Russia? Yes. Do I think he's been preparing me for years to go do this, even before I really knew this is what I wanted to do? Yes. Did I make an Oath to God that I would go serve the Russian people? No. Am I really obligated to go? Not really. Do I have freewill to go? Yes. Will I feel like I've missed an opportunity to shine for the Lord if I don't go? Yes.

Now that we have all that out of the way, back to the original question. Why go if it seems scary?
Anyone who knows me, knows that I don't like to take the easy way out. I've always felt the need to be different. Do things differently than everyone else. Choose the harder way. I speak French, I could just as easily have contacted WWW and said, "Hey, put me in touch with France!" That country doesn't scare me. But that would be too easy. Maybe it's about sacrifice? Or maybe it's about my comfort zone? I don't know for sure. I'm having trouble putting my emotions into words, but I can tell you this:

I've learned that the hardest trials bring the greatest rewards. Maybe I sound cliche. But it's the truth. Why Russia? Because getting out there in a place that makes me feel uncomfortable, will make me rely more on God and trust in him to take care of me and remind me that everything is going to be alright.

Bible Study: Commandmants 6, 7, 8

I'm the chaplain for Kappa Phi, which is a sisterhood of Christian women. This means that once a month, I put together bible studies for the group. We've been studying the ten commandments this academic year and I noticed there are a lot of studies out there overviewing all ten commandments, but not really any where the commandments are split up. So I thought I would share. This activity is meant for reflection and discussion. At the end, I read Romans 13:8-10.

The following verses relate to the three commandments we are studying this evening. In your groups read through these verses and categorize them into stealing, murder, or committing adultery. Do Not split these verses up amongst your group members, rather you should read them together. This is not a race. The idea is to think about the implications of these verses and discuss them amongst yourselves. At the end, we will read one more verse and close in prayer.


Exodus 20:14
Exodus 21:12
Zech. 5:3
Rev. 21:8
Lev 20:10
Lev 19:11-12
Matt 19:16-19
Prov 6:32
Exodus 20:13
Matt 5:27-28
Deut 24:7
Jer. 7:8-10
Ex 20:15
Matt 5:32
Ex. 22:1


If you need discussion ideas:
-What are the punishments for breaking these laws?
-How are these verses similar? how are they different?
-How does the Old Testament view of these laws differ from the New Testament?
-What are the contexts for these verses? (Other verses around them; historical and cultural background)
-Have you broken these laws? How did you feel after?
-What does it mean to murder, to steal, to commit adultery?

Why Don't Earthquakes Scare Me?

It's been several months since the bombing in Moscow's Domodedovo airport. Today it is time for me to write about it. Indirectly.

When I found out which airport in Moscow had been bombed, I completely freaked out. I had an anxiety attack and felt anxious for several days. The bombing took place at the international baggage claim. I've traveled through that airport several times and the fact that it was the international area made it even worse. For several days all I could think about was "What if there's some kind of terrorist act while I'm in Russia? What if I get hurt or killed or something?"

Yesterday Japan was hit by an earthquake. The last time I checked the death count was over 2,000 and there is fear of a nuclear disaster akin to Chernobyl. There were around 35 deaths in the Moscow bombing. Other then the threat of a nuclear disaster, what happened in Japan doesn't scare me. And even with the threat of nuclear disaster I'm not as paralyzed with terror as I was when I found out about Domodedovo at work today, I began to think about why.

Now before I go any further, I know some of you are thinking "Well Abigail of course this doesn't affect you. It happened in Japan, not Russia." Yes, but over the summer there were fires all around Moscow and I didn't have the same reaction to those as I did to the bombing.

So again, back to the question. Why did the bombing bother me so much? Why didn't the earthquake or the fire scare me?

An answer soon started to emerge.

One of these things is not like the others, one of these things just doesn't belong...

Had to get my little blast from the past there.

I'm serious though.

An earthquake is a natural disaster. A fire (in this case) is a natural disaster. A bombing is not.

Natural disasters are forces that are often unexpected and cannot be helped. Terrorist attacks are unexpected and should be helped. And therein lies my issue.

I suppose it's equally likely that I could go to Russia and there could be some horrible natural disaster that could kill me just as easily and possibly more easily than a terrorist attack. Fire, Flood, Earthquake, Tornado, Tsunami. I mean, one could kill me here for that matter. But in either case, it's something that can't be helped. The terrorist bombing in the Domodedovo airport, and terrorist acts in general, are distressing because the people who are killed didn't *have* to die. It is just senseless murder. And that is what upsets me.

Because things should be different. (Oh yes, you didn't think I'd be able to tie this back to missions did you?) What if these people had been taught differently? What if they knew another way? A lot of Russia's problems stem from discontent in Chechnya. What if there was a way to work with both sides to keep from overusing violence?

I know, you're probably thinking I'm an idealist, that I'll never change the world, or even that I've spent a little too much time hanging out with the hippies here at SPU, but I don't know. What I do know is that the system is broken and people are broken. Not just in Russia, but everywhere else as well and I want to do what I can to help.

Training

I've had some people ask me what exactly I'm doing with WWW since I'm not actually in Abilene taking the class twice a week. Well, I'm going to be attending their Missions Focus weekend in May and I'm working on trying to get there for a few days during spring break. I'm also on the list as auditing the class, meaning I have access to the readings and information that they post online for the class which has been most useful.

So what exactly does my training involve? Reading. Lots of it. Some of it was suggested to me by the director of WWW and some of it I'm doing on my own because I think it would be useful. I'm currently making my way through the book Eternity in Their Hearts. This book is about how people have been prepared to receive the gospel message before people actually came to share it with them. Since it's broken down by cultures, I'm trying to do one a day and treat it as a devotional. I'm also trying to journal about my impressions and thoughts on what I read.

In addition to using that book for devotional time, I'm also reading The Eternal Kingdom by F.W. Mattox. This is a book I'd heard about and thought would be useful to read. I feel like it fits nicely with my other training. This book is basically an overview of church history from the time of the apostles up through the Restoration movement. It's really interesting so far and I'd recommend reading it. One of the most interesting things that I've learned from it is that there really is nothing new under the sun. There was a part of me that always thought the early church was "purer" than Christianity today. But through reading this book, I've come to realize just how quickly and easily the early church became corrupted. It's kind of terrifying if you actually think about it. I've read up through the establishment of the Papacy so it's getting pretty intense.

I know many of you are thinking that you can't just do missions training from a book. You need some interaction with people and I am inclined to agree with you. It's why I'm working on getting out to Abilene next month and I'm going there in May. I'm also doing a little extra as well. Through the end of February and most of March, the churches in my area have Christian Training School. For five weeks you can go and take a class. It just so happens that this year, one of the classes they are offering is about women in missions. I've managed to rearrange my work schedule so that I am able to attend these classes. I'm really excited for them to start and I'm hoping that I'm able to get some good insight from these ladies.

Well there you have it, all about my training. I'm doing spiritual exercises ha ha. Anyway, if you all have any questions about this process or anything please feel free to post them in the form of a comment or drop me an e-mail and I'll do my best to answer them.

The Hardest Task

Saturday night, I went home in order to talk to the Elders at my congregation on Sunday about being my sponsoring congregation and maybe taking up a special monetary collection for me at some point. I'm not going to lie, I was terrified.

It doesn't make any sense that I should have been. I mean, I've known these people my whole life. They've watched me grow up, they've been key people in my spiritual growth, but it's hard and scary to ask people for money. Especially when I feel like I have so little confidence in myself sometimes. I was up until almost 2am the night before, praying and thinking about what I was going to say and then writing out an outline and practicing it out loud.

We met after service yesterday morning. I had written up a little brief about the Church on the Neva and also an outline of my expenses. I basically just outlined my training with WWW, then talked a little about the congregation over there. This transitioned into why I should go.

I feel like the hardest thing about my fundraising is going to be trying to get people to understand why I need to go. What I mean is that the Church on the Neva is a pretty vibrant and active congregation from what I can tell. Most people, when they think of Mission work they think of church planting or they think of serving, i.e. English lessons using the Bible, digging wells, etc. So I feel like I really have to emphasize the fact that I have a unique skill set which will allow me to reach people over there that no one else can.

After discussing why I should go, I asked them to consider being my supporting congregation. They have a regular meeting next week and I told them they could discuss it then and get back with me. The five elders were present at the meeting as well as our three preachers. When I finished, they had some really good questions and suggestions which made me happy because they were things I hadn't thought of. Our one preacher even told me that he would be happy to put me in contact with some other congregations who might be willing to help financially. That made me so happy!

My next step is to finish my fundraising presentation and then start on the creation of my packets.

New Blog

So there's a blog I've been following a bit for the last year or so and I thought I would share the link with you. Eileen is originally from my area and she's been working with the church at Rostov-on-the-Don for quite a few years. Enjoy!

From Russia with Love

Oh. My. Word.

I was supposed to blog about the Domodedovo bombing. But I can't bring myself to do it. I keep trying to avoid it. Why? Well because it affected me deeply and really bothered me and I'm having trouble forming thoughts about it.

So, instead I'm going to talk about what's been going on with the St. Petersburg plans. As I recall, we last left off where the Church of Christ on the Neva said they would like me to come work there. I feel very honored about this.

A while back, WWW sent out an information packet to Joel to fill out with all kinds of information about the mission site, the congregation and so on. I received a copy of this filled out packet yesterday or the day before. I was pretty excited to get it. Why? Well, because it has some details that I didn't know and also because it included an estimated expense report. What does this mean? Well, it means that I can now start fundraising.

This weekend, I will go home in order to talk to the Elders at the congregation in Alliance to see if they would be willing to be my "bank." Okay, that sounds cheap. Let me explain what I mean. They aren't really going to be my bank. Basically I'm going to talk to them about being my supporting congregation. This means that they will hang on to the money I raise, and dispense it to me as I need it. They will also pray for me, offer guidance and so forth. In addition to holding the money for me, I am also going to ask if they would be willing to take up a special collection for me from the members of the congregation there to help support my work in that way.

I spent a good chunk of this afternoon and some of this evening after work compiling a one page summary of the Neva congregation as well as an outline of my expense report. It was kind of exciting to see where the numbers were going. And also a little scary. Let me break it down for you:

WEEKLY EXPENSES
$15 Public transportation (per week)
$100 Housing (per week)
$100 Food (per week)
$5 Bottled water (per week)
$5 Laundry (per week)
$50 Other weekly expenses
$275 TOTAL (PER WEEK)

ONE-TIME EXPENSES
$0 Airport tax (total)
$500 Travel within the country (NOT counting the international air travel)
$(variable) Entertainment
$500 Other one-time expenses
$1,000 TOTAL

$275 per week x 4 weeks = $1,100 per month.
$1,100 x 12 months = 13,200
+$1,000 One-Time Expenses
+$2,000 (Airfare to and from country)
= $16,200


Yup, so that's where we're at. And maybe I shouldn't share with the world wide web how much money I'm going to have to raise, but I feel like in order to accurately document the experience of a missionary, I should include fundraising. It is rather important after all.

That said, if you or anyone you know would be willing to help support my work in Russia, please drop me an e-mail at languagelove at gmail dot com.

Interesting News

So, just before writing that post I was starting to feel discouraged about this whole Russia thing. I was thinking about how I probably won't be able to get a visa, and how I wasn't even sure that the church could use me. It had been several weeks since I spoke with Joel. I'd sent him a copy of my resume and my spiritual bio and I was getting antsy. I wanted to know how his meeting with the church leaders went. Was actually just on the phone with my mom about it this afternoon, wasn't sure if I should email Joel, or the Director of WWW and try to find out what news there was, if any. Right after I got back to my room and got off the phone with her, I checked my email. Wouldn't you know it, there was a message from Joel. It went as follows:

Abigail

Hi. I visited with my fellow church council (read: elders) members here and have talked to other missionaries about visas. The brothers are impressed with your credentials and have made good suggestions about how you can minister.
I don't think that housing will be a problem and I think the visa problem can be solved. I think God is blessing and leading this.

So, it is a go. I will get that form done over the next few days and sent in to Gary. I was waiting to see about the visa situation before filling all that out and got some positive news about that today.

Thanks


Yeah. So can I just say that I am super super excited? :D

Returning

So I was kind of waiting until I had something definite to post. I still kind of don't have anything official or final or anything like that, but I did skype with Joel, my contact in Peter. I think at first he though I was just some kid who wanted to come to Russia and have a good time. I'm hoping that after talking with me he understands that I've thought this through and considered it and that I've had skills and experience. I would be working with The Church on the Neva. What would I be doing there? Well, Joel informed me that they do have a group of single women between 20 and 30 who could use a sort of peer mentor. After talking to him I'm like. "So basically I would be going to Russia for a year to be friends with people? Cool!" Where would I be living? Well apparently the congregation there has a room I might be able to rent from them. But I'm not sure. I'm not really sure of anything right now. Suppose it will all work out if it needs to.

I talked to Joel for about 45 minutes. When I got off the phone, I was completely freaking out. I was excited for sure, but then I was rather hesitant. Then, I was completely and utterly terrified. This horrible pit of dread formed itself in the pit of my stomach. I said something to my mom about it and she said simply "So don't go." I thought about that too and I realized that I can't not go. I mean I guess I wouldn't have to, but I would feel like that would be wrong. Besides, I need to "get back on the horse" I need to go back to Russia.

Today on Youtube, I found videos people had taken of Yakutsk. Fairly recently too. I cried when I watched one in particular. I'm sure that it probably won't have the same effect on you but I need to share it anyway. This guy went on a business trip to Yakutsk in April of 2010.

!!!

I'm going back to Russia!!!!

Merrily We Roll Along

It's funny but it seems like my life at the moment consists of waiting, then hearing something, then waiting some more. I went and had a meeting with Mister Doctor today about my final Russian classes for next semester. I'm going to be taking Russian Civ and Russian Lit in English. I'm pretty sure that a good chunk of Civ is going to be in English too. Fail. While we were chatting, Mister Doctor wanted to know if I was interested in possibly taking Advanced Translation Practice as well next semester. Apparently Tanya, my prof for Business translation this semester, told him that I was a really good translator. To be honest, Business Translation is my most pleasant surprise of the semester.

I've been avoiding translation classes since I came here. I had decided that translation was boring and I didn't want to do it. Hence the reason I was going to be an International Relations major and so on and so forth. I got into this business class though and found out that I seriously enjoy it. The only translating I'd done before was English to Russian which I wasn't so good at, and literary. Just for the record, literary translation is horrible. You have to stop and think about every word and what exactly the author meant and was trying to convey and blah blah blah. Compared to that, Business translation is pretty amazing. You read a text, you understand it and then you basically summarize it. Oh, and you make it sound good in English.

Tanya had told me that I was doing a really good job on the texts we'd been working on, and I believed her, but then to have her mention it it Mister Doctor was a compliment. Since taking business Russian, I'm kind of considering coming back to SPU in a few years to work on a Masters in translation. But I digress.

So Mister Doctor encouraged me to take Advanced Translation. Which I would love to do. I don't particularly care for some of the projects and things that we do in Bus. Trans. but I really enjoy the translations. They keep my mind occupied. I found out that Advanced Translation covers Business, Medical, Technological and Law translation. Which sounds really fun. My only problem is time. In order to complete my lovely Degree and Certificate, I'm already taking 15 credit hours next semester. Plus, I work like 14 hours a week. I'm not sure that I want to have to deal with a class that doesn't really count for anything other than fun. But at the same time I would love to take it and get more practice in. So, I'm thinking that I'm going to audit the class. That way, if I miss a class because of something, or don't turn in a translation or something, it won't really affect my grade or GPA or anything. Planning on e-mailing Mister Doctor to find out for sure if this would be a possible option.

In other news, I heard back about the FSOT. I didn't pass. Big surprise there. I was slightly disappointed, but it wasn't devastating. I would have been surprised if I had passed. The part I did the worst on? Experience. There's a section that asks questions about your skills and I just didn't have the skills for it. Which is okay. I'll go gain some more life experience and then try it again.

Ironically, the day after I heard about the FSOT, I heard back from WWW. Oh and I heard from the Missionary in Peter that I'd e-mailed. WWW was giving me information about registering for the class. I need to e-mail them and ask about that since I obviously won't be in Texas to take the class. Should probably figure out what my next step is. Joel, the missionary, said that there might be a possibility of working there. He also sent me a couple of mission reports and his biography. I was really super excited to read about the work that was going on there. Am going to have to e-mail him back when I get a chance.

Unfortunately, that chance might not come for a few days. I'm extremely busy and stressed. In addition to my daily homework, I have two papers I'm supposed to be writing. I have to turn in a proposal for one of these papers on the 17th. Not only that, but the weekends, which are when I would generally work on this stuff, are pretty much booked up until Thanksgiving which means it's going to be rough going. Thankfully though they clear out after and I'll be able to hopefully get the papers themselves written before the end of the semester. Oh my. I cannot wait to get out.

Subconscious Exposition

I've been having a lot of dreams about Russia and Russia related things the past two nights. Russia's been on my mind a lot. I want to go back one way or another. I don't think permanently, but I do want to go back. Two nights ago, I dreamed that I went back to Yakutsk and was speaking Russian with some of my old classmates I met there. Last night I was in St. Petersburg and was working with a group of school children. We were playing this jumping game, and there were some other Americans there. This dream was mostly in English. I'm so ready to go...

Spiritual Biography

I grew up in the church and was baptized when I was 11. Both my father and grandfather are elders. Church has always been a major part of my family's life, so I was in Bible class on a regular basis and I enjoyed it a lot. From the time I was little, it was important to me to do what God wanted and wanted to please Him, so my actions reflected that. This doesn't mean, however, that I haven't had my ups and downs.

When I was little, I could not wait to go to church camp. I watched the kids go every year and couldn't wait to be among their ranks. From third grade, I went every year and had a blast. It was great to be in a place with kids my age who believed the same things I did. Church camp also brought me closer to God. I remember one year, when I was in middle school, I started the week off and wasn't really into it. I felt far away from God, and that my faith was suffering. The first night I prayed before going to bed, asking God for stronger faith. I'll never forget how he answered.

During the middle and high school weeks of camp, the girls always did secret sister. This particular year, I made a little beaded necklace for my secret sister at craft time and wrote her a note explaining the meaning of the beads I'd chosen. I didn't really think much of it when I sent it off, I felt like it wasn't a big deal. That night she decided to get baptized and I found out that part of the reason she'd made the decision was because of the note I'd sent her. My world was rocked and I was humbled. It amazed me that God could use someone as insignificant as me, as simple as a note I had spent fifteen minutes on to change someone's life. I learned that even when I feel like my faith is failing, it still can have the power to move mountains, and I understood that you never know where you've planted seeds.

Just before I started high school, our congregation hired a youth minister. Before Matt and Stacy came, we were a group of kids around the same age who happened to go to church together. After their arrival, we became a youth group. They brought us together and we became a family. We spent a lot of time together worshiping, singing and just being teenagers. It was a time that is embedded in my memory as one of learning and growing. Through our mission trips, youth rallies and bonding, I discovered how important it was to be with other believers. It was comforting to know that no matter what happened, no matter how I'd messed up or whatever problem I was having, I could go to my brothers and sisters in the youth group and they would love on me, support me and pray for me. It was an awesome feeling! It was at this point I understood that it takes a lot of different people to make a congregation. We came from extremely diverse backgrounds; some of us had grown up in strong church, others of us hadn't. We were from all different social sectors at school, yet we found friendship through the common bond of Jesus Christ.Unfortunately, this solidarity did not last. There was some shuffling of leadership in our congregation and Matt became our pulpit minister. High school progressed and we began to drift apart.

High school is a rough time for a lot of young people. There are many temptations and life can be confusing. We were caught between childhood and adulthood and sometimes we acted out, trying to deal with things. In our teen Bible class on Sunday mornings, we began to talk a lot about some of the issues facing us as high school students. People in our youth group began to struggle with these issues. Not only that, but even the adults in our church were struggling with these same issues. I began to see the world with more adult eyes and I became jaded.

From the pulpit we were told to be better people and in Bible class the teens were warned about drinking, smoking and sex. Yet I felt like all of this talking didn't matter. People were still going to do exactly what they wanted. So what was the point?. I felt like the church was full of hypocrites. People who just sat in a pew on Sunday morning and did whatever they wanted the rest of the week. I felt a lack of sincerity and it made me wonder why I had ever bothered to try to follow God. I was tired of being the good girl. Everyone else was going out and doing these things so why couldn't I? I was tired of trying.

Looking back on it, I realize that I was just as wrong as anyone else in that congregation. I was being extremely judgmental with the same kind of contempt the Pharisee held for the tax collector. So while I thought I was so much better than everyone around me, I was still wrong. At the time though, I couldn't see it and I began to withdraw. I stopped caring about worshiping and only went to church because my parents expected it and because that's what we did in my family. This low point continued until about half-way through my exchange year to Russia.

While still in high school, I decided that I was going to spend ten months in Russia as an exchange student after I graduated. When I arrived, I didn't even bother to find a church family; I decided that I didn't want to deal with it. Instead, I just focused on being in Russia. A funny thing happened though. My exchange was extremely difficult and while I wasn't really paying attention to God, there were points when it seemed like He was definitely paying attention to me. There were times when it felt like He was just reminding me that He was always there and even though I was alone in a foreign country, I was never completely alone. I'm not sure when exactly the change came. It wasn't one of those sudden epiphanies, rather it was a gradual thing. There is a point where things began to turn around.

I am an avid reader and had brought several books in English on exchange, I finished them all about halfway through my exchange. I missed English so much that I was desperate for something, anything, to read. The only thing I had left was my Bible. So one day I sat down, opened to 1st Kings and started reading. I was hooked. I had read bits and pieces of the Bible before, but not in huge chunks like this. The more I read, the more I learned and the more I learned, the closer I felt to God. It was around this time that I realized I missed being with other people who believed in God. I wasn't sure what to do though. There were two Orthodox churches, a Catholic church and an Apostolic church in my city, but I wasn't sure I felt comfortable at any of these.

A few days after this realization, I was sitting in my social studies class and my teacher was talking about all the different types of religions and groups in the city. She mentioned Orthodox, Catholic and then Baptist. After this last group, I didn't hear anything else for the rest of the lesson. I knew slightly more about Baptists than I did about the other churches in my city. I knew they were somewhat similar to what I believed, at least in the states, and that was enough for me. After class, I asked her about it and she put me in touch with a girl at my school whose father was the pastor at the church. We met, I found out where the building was, and I decided to go the following Sunday. The first morning I went, one of the songs we sang was Amazing Grace as soon as I realized it, I started crying because even though the song was in a different language and the people were strangers, we had a common belief in God. I had come home.

In Russia I had some of the greatest spiritual growth I've ever experienced. I came to realize that it didn't matter whether other people in my congregation were worshiping God, didn't matter what was in their hearts. I realized that it isn't my place to judge and that I needed to make sure that I was right with God and a true follower of him. It was also at this point that my relationship with Him became my own. Sure, I had a relationship with Him before, but in Russia I realized that if I were going to be a Christian it wouldn't be because of my parents, my family or my friends. It had to be because I was making that choice.

There are other events in my life that God has used to strengthen me, conversations with strangers, attending a state university and friends who have offered counsel, but the events I have related here are the ones that have made the biggest impact on my spiritually. While they were extremely difficult at the time, and often I didn't know exactly why I was going through them, In retrospect I can see how they have strengthened my life and relationship with God. I pray that He gives me more such opportunities.

Winkie Marching Song

You know which song I'm talking about. The one in the Wizard of Oz where they guys are marching around the Witch's castle going "Oh ee oh YO oh..." That's how I'm feeling right now. The drudgery of school is killing me. I'm so ready to be done with it. I usually feel this way in the early spring when the weather changes, but I'm feeling it now. Crud. This probably means that I am going to be going insane come spring. I've been having a hard time focusing and getting my schoolwork done. I had a couple tests that I just didn't study for and then kicked myself mentally when I got them back and saw how poorly I'd done.

You may have noticed the layout change. I felt like it was time since my life is going to be changing again. Perhaps it's a little early, but oh well. I'll probably be continuing to tweak it the next few weeks or months as I get time.

I've started applying for things, testing the waters, fun stuff like that. I took the Foreign Service Officer Test just for fun. It was probably the most low-key "standardized test" I've ever taken. Why? Well, because what happens if I don't pass? Nothing. Life goes on and I've got a backup plan so it's no big deal. I kind of enjoyed taking it to see what it was like.

In other news, I've got things rolling for WorldWide Witness. Two weeks ago I turned in my application and chose my references. One reference told me that they'd gotten a hold of her and she filled out the reference form for me which makes me happy. The other thing I had to do as part of the application process is write a three page spiritual biography which outlines things that have made a major impact on me spiritually. I'm mostly done with it, just have to finish it up and edit it. Keep a look-out for it because I'll probably be putting it into a blog post once I get it done.

It's kind of funny but the only thing I don't feel like procrastinating is stuff for that program.

Masha In Wonderland

I'm jealous of one of my exchange friend. Over the summer, she went on a Critical Language Scholarship to Ufa, Russia. She is now doing a year in Moscow. She started a blog for her time in Ufa and is continuing it throughout her stay in Moscow. I definitely recommend checking out Masha In Wonderland

I'm Lost

So I feel overwhelmed. I mean, more so than just the usual rush of college life and dealing with the everyday stresses of that. My problem is that in the back of my mind is always this nagging thing. Something poking and prodding at me, reminding me that this is the end of my safe little haven. I have applied for May graduation. I will soon be leaving SPU behind. What does that mean? It means I'm going to be entering the real world. I don't feel ready.

I feel kind of like I did when I was getting ready to end my exchange year. That panicky thought that everything was about to drastically change and who knew if it would ever be the same again. It's not quite the same as the raw terror of going back to a culture that was supposed to be mine but no longer felt that way. But it's still this feeling that life is sneaking up on me and I don't feel ready to handle it. My entire life and education has prepared me for the time when I could go forth and become a productive member of society. The only problem is that I'm not quite sure how to do that. I feel like I have no plan. Feel like life is a little crazy.

So what's my solution?

A Train Ride

This semester on Tuesdays and Thursdays I have two Russian classes back to back. A translation class for Business texts and then Modern Writers which is a lit class. As a result I end up hearing/speaking/thinking Russian for a block of about three hours twice a week. Why is this significant? Well, because I get Russian in such concentrated blocks it has caused one or two interesting dreams. By that, I mean bilingual dreams.

Last night, I had a dream that I was on a Russian train with a friend of mine. We were trying to get to Yakutsk, but were going the other way instead. Toward Moscow. About halfway through the dream I started just speaking Russian to him, even though he doesn't understand it. (In the dream or in real life) He wanted to drive from Moscow to Yakutsk in a car and I kept telling him that there were no roads. I also asked him about his passport and he didn't know where it was so we were searching for it. All of this took place in Russian. In very fluent Russian. It was super exciting!

I'm getting ready to apply for World Wide Witness, that missions program. Will be updating more as that process continues. Until then, catch you later!

Progress and Productivity

Well, I've had a rather productive day. I'm not working this summer because of various family commitments and I don't have a car. This resulted in me spending several weeks sitting around doing nothing and dying of boredrom. When I woke up this morning, I decided that I am going to make more of an effort to be productive. I'd say I'm off to a good start.

The last day or two, I've been requesting information from a lot of grad schools. Getting my list of places I'm thinking about applying to together. My list so far is as follows:

- Eastern Mennonite University

- Nova Southeastern University

- Arcadia University

These programs all have focus on the International aspects of Peace Studies and Conflict Resolution and they all have aspects to the program that I really like. These are all top choices for me, but the more I find out about the program at Eastern Mennonite, the more I like it. I would say that EMU is probably my top choice. I actually called them today to request that they send me more information and I told the girl I talked to that it would be really great if they would have someone call me to follow up. I have some questions that only a grad admissions person would know the answer to.

It's also important that I make sure I can get my admission deferred. I've officially decided to take a year and do mission work with World Wide Witness. I'm not nearly as excited about that as Grad school. I think because my exchange year was hard, and I'm a little bit nervous about going back overseas. But I did e-mail the guy I'd talked to about the program several weeks ago, letting him know that I wanted to go and asking about starting the application process. Anyway, I don't want to have to be doing paperwork and trying to apply to grad school from overseas. I did that with my undergrad and it was not a fun experience. So if I get it all taken care of and get it deferred, I'll be all ready to come back in a year and go right back to school.

Heh. I'm noticing a pattern in my life. Graduate from High School, take a year and go to Russia. Graduate from undergrad, Take a year and go to Russia. Life is a funny thing isn't it?

A Chance

I had the weirdest series of events happen the last few days. It started with my Brother revealing some interesting information, continued with me breaking up with a guy I'd kind of been dating and because of these two events I ended a several year long quest. You see, since my exchange year (and during) I've been interested in doing mission work in Russia. But it never seemed to work out. I wanted something longer, like a year or two, but everyone I talked to didn't travel to Russia or the program wasn't long enough or they worked independently and so on and so forth. And then the other night I was just kind of hanging out and I was like "Well, maybe I'll see if there's anything new on the missions front. " And wouldn't you know it, after a search of not very long (Especially considering how hard I've been looking the last few years) I stumbled upon World Wide Witness.

Just for fun I called about it, but the director of the program wasn't in. So I left a message with someone in a completely different department and to my extreme astonishment I got a call back this morning. It was a very interesting conversation. Involving talk of Ukraine and St. Petersburg. And also the potential for me to go on a mission trip before grad school. I don't have the details worked out. It's still kind of a hazy idea. Something I need to pray about. But just the idea of being able to use what I learned in Russia the first time in a missionary setting excites me.

I've been thinking a lot about exchange today as a result of this phone call. July 14th marks the beginning of my third year back. I read through all my exchange blog posts this evening. They made me laugh and they made me cry and they made me remember. And I realized that there were so many good things to exchange. It's like I've spent the last couple of years burying it so I wouldn't have to think about it so it wouldn't hurt and re-reading my posts reminded me of what it felt like to be an exchange student. How it felt to be part of a place and a thing like that. I've decided that I'm going to start re-reading my paper journals because they go into a lot more detail than the blog. I'm so glad that I kept them. Oh, and I think I'm going to write a letter that's several years overdue...

Falling In Love

It's not quite been a year since my last post. I don't know why I haven't written in so long. I think part of it was that I felt like I didn't really have anything to write about and part of it was that I was working on writing some other things. I've had this pressing, nagging desire to make a new blog entry for probably a week or so and just haven't done it. So what better time to do it than when I should be working on two Russian presentations and a ten page paper. All of which are due the latter half of next week. Fun fun.

Anyway, something very important happened to me last fall and something else very important happened several weeks ago. I think that's why I suddenly feel the need to write again. Namely, I fell in love. You see, ever since I got back from exchange and started on my career at SPU, I've been looking for direction in my life. Before I left for Russia, I figured that direction was in Translation. Ha. No. It didn't take me long to figure out how much I hate translating things. It's horrible. Moving on, what else did I want to do? Well obviously something with Russian since I worked so hard to learn it. So we'll make that my major. But what can you really do with a Russian major? Let's be honest, not much. So what did I do? Well I like politics and want to work for the government so International Relations is where it's at right? Um no. I discovered that I strongly dislike politics and theory, although political movements fascinate me. I think it's the social people thing.

So I dropped the IR major and continued to take my Russian. I decided that last fall I was going to take classes that sounded interesting and go from there. I made one of the best decisions of my life. I took a class about Conflict Management. SPU has a CM major due in part to it's little historical incident. (Which by the way, we well be celebrating...oops..."commemorating" in a few days) I had a friend tell me the Conflict Management class was good. I took it and oh my word I fell in love! I looked forward to that class every day we had it. I didn't mind doing the readings for it or the homework because it was fascinating and didn't seem like work. It was just fun. I would go out to eat with my parents and tell them all about the stuff I was learning and they would comment about how they could tell that this stuff was lighting up my brain. Reflective Listening, Mediation all of it lit up my brain. But the thing that lit up my brain the most was Nonviolence. It fascinated me, the way that people throughout history have used nonviolent techniques to effect social change, and how well it actually works. Yes, I'm talking Gandhi, Tolstoy, Martin Luther King Jr. And others who you've probably never even heard of.

Right then and there I decided that I wanted to devote my life to the CM department and eventually go out into the world to combat violence. Or something like that. I still didn't have a clear picture. So I declared CM as my second major. Who cared if it would keep me at Kent another three years.

Then another funny thing happened several weeks ago. A friend came from Colorado to spend her spring break at SPU. She had attended here a semester because of the CM program. She's the one who had told me about it. Because of her, I knew that it exsisted. We were talking about graduating and going out into the world. And I was telling her how I was getting tired of being here, but my majors were going to keep me here several more years. I was like "Yeah, If I were just doing Russian I could graduate next May. But what can you do with a Russian major?" Besides, my passion was Conflict Management. My random observation got me to thinking though. What if I did graduate next May?

I tried to put the thoughts aside but they kept coming back. I started thinking about grad school. Grad school was always something I thought I might do, maybe, down the road some time in the future. But then it hit me. If I got my major in Russian, I could graduate from SPU next May and go to grad school. Within three years I could come out with a Master's in Peace studies whereas if I stayed at SPU I would only have two BAs in the same amount of time. This seemed like the way to go. So I started researching like crazy, and talked to the head of the CM dept among others. Suddenly I found myself with a lot to do in a rather short period of time.

I'm really excited though. I feel like Grad school is the way to go. For the first time in a long time, I feel like I have a direction of sorts in my life. A direction I'm really excited to be going. I don't know where it's going to take me career-wise but I know that I want to do something with Nonviolence and CM on an international level.

I think part of the reason for this post is not just a general update, but also to let you know that once again this Blog is evolving. From High School through Rotary to College, and now it's on to Grad School. I feel like more of my posts are going to be focusing on this in the future. Wish me luck! :)

At the Language School

I owe you a blog post. Honestly I was planning on writing a lot more about the Language School, but then I got here, and I've been busy and have been working on writing other things and so I am only just now, in our last week getting a chance to write about it. Although you probably wouldn't have wanted to hear me complain throughout the last couple of weeks.

I dislike this job. Only now am I coming to terms with and accepting it. What do I do? Well, I sit in class while the kids learn Russian. I answer ridiculous questions. I speak Russian. I second guess myself. Yup that's it in a nutshell. Personally, I feel that there are entirely too many people working with the Russian class. There are three teachers and four Peer Mentor/Teaching Assistants. But enough about that. The language school itself is a cool idea.

It's a four week intensive immersion thing and then they have sessions where they meet throughout the following school year. Technology plays a big role, as the kids do a lot of Skypeing over the school year part. Basically, the kids are here to learn Russian, or one of four other languages (Hindi, Arabic, Chinese, Japanese). As a result they spend pretty much all of their time in class and with their class. A typical day in the Russian class is as follows:

Class starts everyday at nine a.m. During the morning session, Mister Doctor teaches them. They go over grammar points and new vocabulary and do a lot of speaking activities. At noon, they have Lunch for an hour. Lunch is eaten all together at long Tables in the SPU Student Center. They kids are only supposed to speak Russian, and so it is the job of us, the Peer Mentors to speak Russian with them. A lot of times, new vocabulary is introduced here too. After lunch, the kids have class again from about one until three. This session is taught by a Russian grad student who is a Native speaker. Generally, at the afternoon session, the kids go over dialogs and perform them for each other. They also go over new vocabulary and occasionally watch cartoons.

By three p.m. The kids (And teachers) are ready for a break. So they get two hours of free time. Dinner is at five and is eaten in our Russian lounge. Then comes culture time. Culture is taught by a Russian woman who lives in the area. Generally, culture is anything from making Chai, to watching movies, to working on projects, to singing. On the last day of camp, there is a closing ceremony where each language shows off what it has learned, generally by singing. So the kids practice that pretty much every night. A lot of times the kids will get to go outside and play Russian games during culture time as well. The day is not over yet though, because at 9 p.m. It's study time. This is where we PMs are used the most. During study time, the kids do their homework, practice dialogs and pronunciation and get ready for tests and so on. It is our job to help check their work and answer questions. They kids head up to their rooms for bedtime at 11.

So their days are long, but they are learning a lot. It's amazing actually, how three weeks ago they all showed up here, many of them leaving home for the first time. They came and they couldn't speak a word of Russian. Now here we are three weeks later and they can understand much more and can speak. The other day I sat at lunch with one of the kids and we had a good solid conversation about music for ten minutes or so. It was really cool.

It isn't all bad. It has it's good moments. Like what I just said above, or silly things the kids, or we do. Writing stupid fairy tales across the whiteboards, walking to acme, and good times at the red light. The kids are really great, and I'm going to miss them when it's over. I mean, we've got kind of this family thing going on. Which is really fun, and fascinating from a social standpoint. The job has some weird stresses though, and I'm not sure it's really my thing.

New Blogs

I've started collecting blogs of various people who are going out. Time to swap some things out and whatnot.

The first blog is called Islands of Adventure. Cameron is a student from out district who is going to be spending his exchange in Japan. Cameron is a cool guy, and he's got posts and pictures. You can follow the link from this post or the one on the left hand side of the page.

The second blog Belongs to Bridget. Bridget is also from our district. I met her first at our Outbound Interviews and sort of became her mentor. She's really excited about going on exchange to Austria. She has some intersting things to say so I hope you all check out her blog too!

News of School

The other day, I was standing in the shower, wondering why I hadn't heard any details about when I was supposed to be at the Language School. I was standing there thinking "Well, I could Facebook Puppy and see if he knows anything," Puppy got a job there too. As a tech person I think. But then I thought "No, because the Language School runs on Russian time because Mister Doctor is in charge of it." So I finished my shower, and went about my business. Later that afternoon, I logged onto Facebook, only to see that Puppy had asked me if I had heard anything about Language School. I found that rather ironic.

A week and a half. That's when Mister Doctor decided to tell us when we should be up there. A week and a half before we are supposed to be there. That's not so bad. I figured if I didn't hear Wednesday, I would hear either Friday or Monday. And if I didn't hear then, I had already decided that I would be sending Mister Doctor an e-mail.

The best thing ever is that I get a free parking pass. But that's really not important to my story. I'm just excited because I'm getting free room and board, I'm getting a free parking pass, I get to spend four weeks surrounded by Russian AND I'm getting paid for it. It gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling inside.

Essentially, I have to be back up at SPU on the morning of June 21st. Which is father's day, but I'm not even sure that Father will be here as he is going to be helping Brother move back home from several states away. We have an hour to move in, then we are going to be having a meeting of some sort and then finally, we are going to be helping the students move in. And that's basically all I know about the whole thing. Which makes me laugh. I was expecting an e-mail with lots of details, but nope. It just had what time and where I check in, and a vague idea of what we are going to be doing during the day on Sunday. Oh well, it'll be another adventure. A very welcome adventure.

A job, A chance, an E-mail, and Why Exchange Messed Up My Life

I almost died the last week of school. Not really. But there were a couple of days there where I wasn't sure that I was going to make it. The stress was absolutely insane! The good news, however is that I made it out alive and mostly intact and brought some interesting memories out with me. Which is all good.

The most exciting news during the last week of the semester was that I finally heard from the people in charge of the Language School. I got the job as a Teaching Assistant! I'm pretty excited about this although I haven't heard anymore details. I do know however that the camp runs from the middle of June to the middle of July. My guess is that I will be hearing all the details of what I'm supposed to be doing, two days before I'm supposed to be back up at SPU. But hey, I'm not complaining. Rather, I am very much forward to beating Russian into those little high schoolers. No, I'm just kidding. I'm not really that mean :P

It's ironic. I was writing a letter to Elena Ivanovna the other day. It's mostly done, just have to finish it up, put a picture with it, stamp and send it. This is ironic because today I checked my e-mail and there was a short note from Nina in it. I had gotten back in touch with her several months ago and she e-mailed me, but I never replied back because (My excuses were) my computer was having issues and then I got really busy at the end of the semester. But really there's no excuse. I'm planning on e-mailing her back within the next few days. It's just so hard sometimes. It's like there's a part of me that doesn't want to be in touch and I don't know why I should even feel that way...

In other news, there is a slight chance that I might be able to get a scholarship to go back to Russia and study in a university there for a year. I don't want to say too much about it at the moment, because I may not even get it, but hopefully there will be more details to follow.

Which brings me to the thing I've been thinking about lately. Namely, How Going on Exchange Has Screwed Up My Life. When I found out about, and got the application for this scholarship, I was pretty excited, but at the same time, I was hesitant. There was a part of me that definitely didn't want to apply for the scholarship (Perhaps that is related to the staying in touch thing?). I was like "yeah, I should apply for this" but it was like something within me said. "but you don't really want to." and I thought about it for a while. Exchange was a fascinating experience. It was filled with some amazing moments and experiences. So why did a part of me not want to take the opportunity to do it again? Then suddenly, it hit me. I realized that I was scared.

Though most of the bad things about exchange have been outweighed by the good, there was a part of me that still remembered it. Remembered how hard it was, how scary, how difficult, how lonely it could be. This part of me was projecting. I didn't want to go back to Russia because I didn't want to have to deal with those things. The Beauraucracy, the visas, breaking down the Russian facade. A part of me was going "NO! NO! NO!" while the sensible part of me was saying "Get back on the horse." And then, God stepped in. I had decided to apply, but wasn't as enthusiastic about it as I could have been. I was going over some paperwork with my mom and we were discussing things when I found something significant on the website for the scholarship. Basically what it sounded like was that the scholarship was going to be discontinued starting this next year. The wave of disappointment that washed over me was undescribable. I e-mailed my contact about the scholarship, asking for clarification and asking whether or not I should go ahead and reply.

I was in a mood the rest of the evening. I didn't even know for sure if I could still apply or not, but already I was really disappointed. Just the thought of not even having the slightest chance of getting to go back was heavy on my chest. I spent the rest of the evening playing all the Russian songs I know on my guitar and feeling rather down.

You may have guessed by now, what my contact's answer to the inquiry was. The next morning, I checked my e-mail the first thing and was overjoyed to see that I could still go ahead and apply. And that set it. I am applying. But I think it was necessary for me to have that moment of doubt. Because in that one moment, I realized that the overwhelming disappointment of not being able to go, completely outweighed the nervousness I felt about going back for a second round.

And this is how exchanged messed me up. I am forever tied to Russia. To the World. There will always be a part of me that takes great interest in what the Motherland is doing, a part of me that still lives there. A part of me that is always longing to go back. I am forever tied to the Global community, forever hungering to see and experience more. But is that necesarily a bad thing? I dreamed in Russian last night, and in the light of day, I cannot remember what the dream was about, but it was full of good feelings.

May 4th

So much for anonimity, but this is something that weighs on me. May 4th is an important day in the history of SPU. It was on this day, 39 years ago that some students were protesting. The National Guard was called in and shots were fired. As a result, four students were killed and 9 other were wounded.

I like to see events. Last fall I went and watched a protest against the Iraq war. May 4th is kind of a big deal here, so I decided that I would observe some of the events of the commemoration. I'm not sure what I was expecting, but it wasn't this. I thought that if I went and listened to the speeches given by those who were there and those whose lives were forever affected, I would learn something. Maybe something about the events. I'm big into listening to people's stories. So I went and stood on the hill where the guardsmen chased the students all those years ago and I learned, but I didn't learn what I thought I would.

It didn't take me long to realize that what I thought was going to be a memorial, a rememberance of those tragic events actually wasn't. I listened to two and a half speeches before I couldn't stand it anymore. The first guy, talked about zombies and how the guardsmen that day were zombies, and how the University President is a zombie and how our former president was a zombie and how if you stood by and let things like may fourth happen you were a zombie too. I wouldn't have a problem with this, except he was so venemous about it. The next person I heard speak was a woman whose sister died that day. I was expecting a celebration of life. Of a cause, a speech about how this tragedy should not be repeated. Instead I heard about how evil the government and guardsmen were, how wrong they were, how right the protesters were, after all they were "Burning down the ROTC building in response to Police brutality" Does anyone else find something wrong with that sentence? Two wrongs do not make a right people... This woman also went on to talk about all of the social protesting she's done because she was inspired by her sister. Perhaps I would've been able to relate to her better if she hadn't been so much about "Stick it to the man!" The last speech I listened to was a very loud, angry man. He basically spent a long time talking about the "May 4th Conspiricy" the "cover-up" and how a new tape had been found in which the order of the national guardsmen to shoot had been revealed. He also talked a lot about people who had mentioned hearing the order to shoot.

It was at this point I decided to leave. I waited for the man to finish, and as I began to head back to my room, there was a campus police officer standing there. I went up to him and I said "Sir, I'd just like to thank you for every thing you do," He kind of laughed. "It must be hard some times to be a police officer here." He said "thanks" and I left. I started crying when I got inside and couldn't figure out why. It wasn't the speeches. I mean they didn't move anything in me. I thought maybe it had something to do with the police officer? No, not really, other than the need to thank him, he really had nothing to do with it. I just felt really upset and I couldn't figure out why. And then I realized.

SPU is a liberal campus. Everyone is always going around talking about how you can't trust the conservatives, how they use people to push their agendas. They are preaching the purity of the left. How they aren't like that, they just want peace and love and all that. I realized they are hypocrites. They preach peace and love, while all the while, trying to stir people into violent action. "Down with the Iraq war!" They talk about the tragedy of four dead students, yet they place them on the pedestal of political martyrdom, and use them to focus their own agendas, to push their propaganda. Because that's what today was. It was a liberal propaganda fest, and that's what bothered me the most.

It's not that I hate liberals. Please don't think that I'm just a stuffy conservative. Understand that I am a people watcher and if it had been conservatives up on the stage today doing the same thing, please believe I would be condemning them just as much. It bothered me that what I saw as a time of rememberance was being manipulated to push a political agenda.

May 4th was a tragedy in the history of my University. I am not saying that the National Guard was completely innocent, nor am I saying that the protesters were completely innocent either. There are two sides to every story. I was looking forward to today's events because I thought it would be a time of reflection. I wanted the speeches to focus on what happened, why it happened. I was expecting people to be gathered around, remembering, perhaps discussing how we can prevent such a tragedy from happening again. What could we have done? What can we do so history does not repeat itself? I felt like it should have been a quieter time, that the gaggle of high schoolers who were filling out worksheets could have been taken aside and been told "Look, this is what it was like, this shouldn't happen again..."

Our school has a really good conflict management program. Did you know that? It was started because of the events that happened 39 years ago today. That, right there is something. That right there is someone saying "Look, this didn't need to happen, this is what we are going to do to keep it from happening again." I feel like that is what May 4th is about, and today it broke my heart to see that other people don't feel the same way...

More Work

I think I've mentioned before that I feel that my job as a rebound is to share my experiences in Russia and on exchange in any way I can. This weekend, I will be using my knowledge to work with the outbound exchange students at our District Conference. I've been looking forward to this event for over a month. It should be a pretty good time. Especially from this end, when I know how things work.

The other thing I've done recently to help spread the word about Russia is through Roomie. Roomie is a journalism major and had a project to do. She had to interview a random person and make a multi-media thing for a website. So, one night she goes "hey, can I interview you about russia?" She had it all planned and I just did my thing. I played a Russian song I learned on Stanley, my guitar, and then she asked a couple of questions and I just talked about Russia. Finally, I gave her some pictures from my adventures and she took a bunch and when she put them all together, she had this. I definitely encourage you to go watch it, as it turned out very nicely. I felt all special and important and Roomie got her work done. In case you missed it the first time, the link can be found here! Hope you all enjoy it!

In other news, although I haven't heard anything officially about the language school, I've heard rumblings. Last week actually, it went something like this: I had asked JoJo, my russian professor if she would write me a letter of recommendation. Last Tuesday I walk into class and she goes "So, I was writing your letter and I got it half done but my computer died." And I was like "oh, okay." Because well, I still had time to turn it in. Whatever. So I go on with my life. On Thursday when I go into class, I decide to make sure that she got it done since the deadline was approaching. "Hey JoJo, did you finish my letter?" "No, actually, I talked to Mister Doctor and he said it was fine. You have a really really good chance." Basically without actually saying it, JoJo told me that I'm going to be working there this summer. Which is cool. But I'm not counting on anything because I haven't gotten the official word. I'm not stressing about it. Not officially counting on it either. I'm just biding my time, doing my school stuff and returning to everyday life until May first. Then we shall see for sure...

The Oddest Thing

It was the oddest thing. Last night I was laying in bed, and I was waiting to fall asleep. I do that a lot. Naturally, it's kind of boring to just lay there and wait to fall asleep, so I did what any smart person would, I started thinking. I was thinking about all kinds of random stuff and then suddenly I was thinking about how I should write Elena Ivanovna a letter, and I should e-mail Nina and maybe I should just call Elena Ivanovna, and then all of a sudden I remembered Yakutsk so clearly. It wasn't just picture memory, I remembered how it felt to be walking down the street, or standing at the crosswalk. I remembered the school, and I felt the cold, and the heat and the polar days, and the smells and the sounds. And I remembered obscure things that I hadn't thought of in months. I remembered going for Sushi after Graduation, and how they wouldn't let me into the library. I remembered sitting bored in school, and cramming on the bus. I remembered Elena Ivanovna's apartment and everything I learned from our evening chats, and then I was crying, and I couldn't stop and I'm trying to be quiet so I don't wake my roommate. I can't close my eyes because everytime I do I just remember more and my heart just aches and aches. When I woke up this morning it felt like I'd been hit by an ice cream truck.

Official Application

I have mentioned the Language School in several of my previous posts. The basic idea is that SPU has one in the summer and that I want to work there in the Russian department. The reason for this post is that I have offcially applied. In order to do so, I had to have a letter of recommendation from a language professor and write an essay about my qualifications for the position. Not to brag, but I was very proud of my essay when I got done and I sent it via e-mail to Mister Doctor, who is not only the head of the Russian department at SPU but who is also one of the head guys at the School. On Thursday I am going to check with my Russian professor and see if she sent Mister Doctor the letter of recommendation. They said I would hear in May if I got the job. I'm really hoping I do because that would pretty much make my summer.

In other news, I decided that I no longer want to be an International Relations major. It's interesting in some ways, but I'm not really into it. I still have my Russian major so it's not like I'm running around undecided, although I do consider that a secondary major. Next fall I'm going to be taking some classes that are just fun for me, and then I'm going to decide on my "Primary" major. I'm excited about my classes for next fall as I am going to be picking French back up. I'm also considering minoring in French it won't take too many classes for me to get one.

That's about all the updates for now, Look for more in the next few weeks.

A Phone Call

I'm vising my Cousin, Aay, in Nashville for spring break. Monday we were driving back to her campus from Centennial park when my phone rang. I glanced at the caller ID. Private Number? what in the world is that? If it was one of those stupid advertisements, I was going to be pretty ticked since I have a tracphone and every minute counts. I prepared myself to give whoever it was a good browbeating in Russian and then I answered. "Allo?" An echoy voice from the other end, introuduced the speaker as a Rotarian from District 5010 who I'd met last year. "Which district?" I asked both incredulous and due to the fact that the quality of the call was not so good. "Five zero one zero." That's my Russia district! Once I realized what was going on I got into business mode. "what can I do for you?" They were calling me to ask some questions about my Experiences with the Rotary club of Yakutsk last year. Apparently the Student who is there this year is having a little trouble. A lot of trouble. And they were wondering what my experiences were. I was honest, but at the same time I felt very protected of the Rotary club in my adopted city. I mean, sure they had issues, but what club doesn't? And they did a lot for me while I was there. I couldn't just completely degrade them. So I gave a few negatives, and then reinforced the fact that other than that the club was excellent and worked really hard to help me out when I needed it. I stressed the fact that I attended the meetings and that when I had visa and registration problems, the club was really good about contacting people to get my stuff extended.

I told the Rotarian that if I could help in any other way, to feel free to get a hold of me. Through e-mail, phone or Skype. I really don't mind offering what help I can. It's part of my job as a rebound. When I got off the phone, I felt important. I don't know, it just makes me feel good, and accomplished when I can over insight and I guess, advice in a way. It's like that's my purpose now that I'm stateside. When I got off the phone and explained to my cousin that the call had come from Vladivostock, she looks at me and goes. "Only you would get a phone call from Russia."

Rebounding

So I'm supposed to be studying for this huge midterm right now, but thought that I just would take a few moments to reflect since I haven't for a while (Love how I disguise my procrastination ha)I went to a Rotary overnighter last night. The first one I'd been to since I went through my own training program a year and a half ago. It was a different sort of experience. I really enjoyed hanging out but it was a little awkward at first. I did know some people who are outbounds from interviews and Facebook and a fellow rebound who went out when I did was there, but he's still in high school and in some ways seemed so young. Almost everyone did, actually. The inbounds, the outbounds, a couple of the rebounds. Did my exchange really make me that mature or is it just a matter of me being a different place in my life now? I'm not sure. I hung out a lot with two fellow rebounds. One who did his exchange the year before I did, and the other who went out with me but is a lot more mature about stuff. I don't know. It was just interesting.

I sat in on the Outbound training sessions and I was like (and I don't mean this in a bad way) "They are so young in their world views." It was like weird, because they haven't had those experiences yet and so their view on things is just different. They're all excited and full of hope about their upcoming exchanges. I just watched them and was sitting there thinking "Oh my goodness was it only a year and a half ago that I was the same way?" And I think back on it and I'm like yeah I was. Because honestly they can prepare you for exchange all they want, but are a bunch of teenagers actually going to listen? Not really. And they can listen to the inbounds and learn from them, that helps because those are their peers, but honestly, I remember in my first two months of Exchange I grew a whole new appreciation for what the inbounds were going through. It was something at the time of my training I couldn't understand.

It's not just the inbounds and the Rotarians who are important to training. This is something I came to realize last night. Rebounds are just as if not more important. As a Rebound, I am living proof that you can come out of exchange whole and carrying with you a new world view. I am proof that despite the experiences good or bad that happen on exchange, they have become part of me. As a Rebound I am a mentor-friend with stories and experiences to impart. The inbounds listen to us because we are peers, but we are so much more.

Not that I'm saying the Rotarians aren't important. They are the ones who do the training and the paperwork, and essentially make everything happen. The inbounds teach so much to the Outbounds about their countries; help prepare them. The Inbounds also show what happens when you are going through exchange. They are the first hand account. It's just that we rebounds have a special place in the hierarchy of exchange.

What I've Discovered about Language

I've been very bad at keeping up with blog posts since break. Forgive me but it's a combination of very busy-ness and computer issues.(My course load is harder than I thought it would be) But anyway, I've noticed some things in regards to the Russian language, and the way it pops up that I would just like to share with you.

I have officially become known at college as "That Russian girl." apparently my friends will mention my name to people who go "Who is that?" the friend will then mention something about "The one obsessed with Russia" to which the response it "Oh okay her!" I have been called "Half-Russian" I have been called "Communist," and I have been introduced as "Russian." And I'm okay with that. I've talked to people about it and have been told that it's just a neat thing because Russia's not typical, and that it automatically makes me cool. I've never considered myself "cool" but hey, whatever floats your boat.

Not only am I known as "The Russian girl," I am also know as "That girl who yells at people in Russian." Honestly though, it was just that one time, when that person was bothering me. My point is that I wasn't even really yelling. When I seriously get ticked off with people in Russian, I actually get quieter. But I can see how the yelling thing would come in because my words also get sharper and so while I'm not actually yelling, I imagine that to anyone on the receiving end, it's a little scary.

I get scared, because even though I'm trying hard, I'm still forgetting. I'll have someone ask me a word, and more and more often I have to stop and think about what the word is in Russian. Yet at the same time, it's really interesting the way language works. For example, my friend, M.K., lived in Macedonia and the Czech Republic for most of her life. Since Eastern European culture and Russian culture are similar, we've had some interesting chats. One thing we enjoy doing is speaking English with these really thick accents. The more I do it, the more I slip into it without thinking about it. Last night, I was hanging out with Puppy randomly speaking English with a Russian accent. I was saying something and then all of a sudden, I realized that I had gone from English to Russian. I just stopped and went, wow, I was just speaking Russian. It was a good feeling.

I've had other stuff too. Puppy, as I think I've mentioned doesn't care when I babble on in Russian so I do it a lot whenever we hang out. It's resulted in several cases of "What language are you speaking?" "Russian" "Oh that's so cool!" I've also had times where I'll be speaking Russian to Puppy or M.K. and then looked at someone else, said several sentences then all of a sudden stopped and gone "Wait, you don't understand Russian." Naturally, everyone present during these happenings finds it hilarious. I do too in a way, although mostly it just makes me feel happy when stuff like that happens.

The above generally come about because I tend to forget that other people don't understand Russian. I mean, I know I'm not in Russia anymore. But I've been studying now for three or four years, and I can't remember what's it's like to not understand it. So I forget what it sounds like to those outside.

There are two other things I've come to realize about my language in the past week or so. One is that I have a horrible Russian accent. No, I don't mean in English and I don't mean when I speak Russian (The latter I know). I've thrown out a little Spanish, and a little French with a friend and her comment is "Wow, you speak with a Russian accent." Puppy likes to give me a hard time about how atrociously I pronounce German words because Russians roll their Rs. I even know a girl who takes Latin and I was reading her homework out loud and she's helping me along with pronunciation and then suddenly she starts laughing and goes "You sound so Russian!: I suppose if Sign language had an accent I'd probably have a Russian one when I do it with Chatter.

The final thing I've come to realize is that I use Russian as a shield. I'm one of those people who when I'm in a new situation I get quieter until I evaluate the situation. I've come to see that a lot of times, if I am uncomfortable in a situation and I am with someone who understands, I will use Russian and then, when I become more comfortable, I'll go back to English. Perhaps this is because not everyone understands Russian and so no one can hear my uncertainties.

I don't know, but it fascinates me, the way that even now, my exchange is a part of me. When I started college I don't know that I intentionally planned on defining myself in this manner, and I certainly never expected to learn these cool things about the way my language works, but you know what, it all makes me happy. And I'm okay with that.