Tuesday, June 10, 2008

One Month

I am leaving this city in One month. One month. That's four weeks, or thirty days. That's not long.

For those of you who don't know, I spent friday through monday in Khabarovsk for the district conference. In some ways it was so much fun! It was great to see my exchange buddies again and I got to meet some Rotarians that I'd heard about, but had never met.

But Khabarovsk wasn't as amazing as the trip in March. I mean, the city was beautiful and all (What I saw of it anyway,) and it gave me more funny stories, but it was different than the other trip. For one we weren't all there. For another it almost felt like the carefree days of our previous trip were over. We're leaving. Becoming rebounds. Some of us have already left, some of us are getting ready to leave, and others are stretching out the time as long as possible.

It was like there was this unspoken thing hanging above us the entire weekend. There were a lot of tears. It was the last time some of us were going to see each other. It was tough. Especially when we had a meeting as students with some guys for the district, it was great because we talked about where we'd been and exchange and where we were going, and then we started talking about going home, and I just started crying. Because I'm scared. It's so hard to explain why. I never thought going back to friends and family, the place I came from would be scary. But I'm terrified. I can't really say what I'm scared of, but I'm terrified that everything's changed and nothing has. I'm terrified that no one will understand, no one will listen. Part of me just wants to go home and hide. Yet at the same time, I want to find places to speak and people to talk to, ways I can share my experience and let people know what life here is really like.

I had another revelation while we were there. For the first time in my life I felt an age gap between myself and other exchange students. I think I'm ready to move on, but at the same time the fact that exchange is ending means that I have to go home, have to be an adult. Have to be responsible for things and deal with things such as college. In short, I'm terrified.

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