The Walls of Jericho

If you have attended Bible school at some point in your life, most likely you've heard the story of Jericho. If not, you can read it in the book of Joshua, chapters 2 and 6.

Jericho was a city with massive walls,

and right now I find myself staring at those walls.

What are they?

Lots of things.

Goodbyes, hellos, suitcases, clothes, visas, lists, documents, passports, airplane tickets, newspaper articles. 

Going back is weirder than going the first time. 

I wish I knew how to explain it better. 

You know what to expect which makes it better, but also makes it worse. 

And then there are the people around you...

No one who loves you really wants you to go. They didn't want you to the first time either, but they also understood wanting to be an exchange student. This however, is different. Compared to this, exchange was a lark in the park. 

Everyone reacts differently. Some people say things, some people don't. Some people avoid the subject altogether and pretend like everything's okay. Some overcompensate by trying to be helpful and some completely explode. Your parents, your grandparents, your friends, your significant other all react this way. Maybe they understand why you feel called to go do something like this. Maybe they don't. Maybe they admire you, maybe they're jealous that they don't have the strength to do what you're doing. Maybe they're afraid for you. Maybe deep down all of their good intentions are a secret selfishness. They know you are doing what you need to do, but they want you just to stay.

Whatever their thoughts, feelings and reactions, it places a lot of pressure on you. Suddenly you're bombarded with everyone's expectations. "Don't worry about it." "Have you done this yet? How about that? and that over there?" "This is me not caring" "Why don't you just settle down?" "You can't do that." "I'm not talking about this." "I'm glad you've finally dealt with that issue, now onto the next." "Why are you making this such a big deal?" "Let's talk about this more." "Let me tell you how I would handle it" "Why haven't you done this yet? You better plan on doing it before you leave." "Do you have enough money yet?" "I want to see you before you go" "When are you leaving?"  "Why haven't you left?" "When are you coming back?"  These are all things you hear on a daily basis, over and over until you can't hear the one thing that even matters in the first place -- the still, small voice of God. 

Add to that the way you feel inside. The questions and expectations you place on yourself. "What am I doing?" "Why am I doing this?" "Is this really necessary?" "What if, what if, what if...?" "How can I deal with this?" "How is this going to change me?" "Is this going to be effective?" "What do I want to do?" "What does God want me to do?" "How can I make them understand?" "I need to be good." "I can't let these people down." "What happens after this year?" "What are my goals?" "When am I leaving?" "Why haven't I left yet?" "When am I coming back?" And suddenly you're overwhelmed and you try to find a way to deal with that. You ignore your emotions or you break down and cry. You shut down or keep busy or stare blankly at the ceiling. 

It's true you know,

The Devil is in the details.

It would be nice if life had a large pause button so you could just take a breather. 

But time marches endlessly on...

What I've Learned About Myself the Past Week or So...

I'm officially leaving October 6th.

This has led to kind of a crunch time for me.

Which in turn has led me to discover some things...

I work best under pressure. Okay, not really pressure because I get really stressed. But I've discovered that I need to have firm deadlines if I ever hope to accomplish anything. In college for example, I knew when things were due all the time so I could start them ahead, work on them in increments and get them done. When I don't have firm deadlines for myself, I'm not working on things consistently and therefore nothing gets done.

I like to be organized. I'm not one of those obsessive-compulsive people where everything has to be perfectly neat. I get piles of stuff lying around and such. I tell people I'm not messy, my form of organization is just different. But actually, I've learned that there is this toleration point where I can't stand things being messy and so I have to clean before I can sit down and work.

Lists = Good. Sometimes I get overwhelmed. Therefore I am better if I sit down and write out a list. Sometimes it's a list of everything I want/need to accomplish that day and sometimes it's a list of what I have to do and when it has to be done. In either case, it gives me a tangible visible way to break everything down and I feel a sense of accomplishment when I cross things off.

I am more left-brained than I'd like to admit. I take pride in my right-brainedness and non-analyticalness. But honestly, the whole making lists thing is totally left-brained. I remember that question being on those little personality test things (that was before I started making lists). And honestly, being a little left-brained helps me get stuff done. So it's actually a blessing in disguise.

Being a missionary and being human are not mutually exclusive. I know, this seems kind of dumb, but I'm discovering something about being a church worker. There's pressure there. I mean, my goodness, people have paid good money to support me on this trip. They put a lot of faith and trust in me. It's quite a burden. Especially since we're dealing with spiritual matters. It's kind of terrifying. You sit there thinking "Oh my goodness, I don't want to mess this up!" But at the same time, it does get messed up. So here I am with a dilemma. I want to be as perfect as possible because I have an image to uphold, but at the same time I do a really good job of royally messing everything up. So the last couple of days I've thought about it and decided "This isn't going to work and so we're just going to forget it." Not that I'm not trying. We should always try to be more Christ-like. That is our goal as Christians after all. But the idea is that I try to grow in the faith and do my best and God's grace will cover the rest. It's hard for me to let go like that not even going to pretend and say it is. Because there's a part of me that's like "I've done some really dumb things and made some really bad mistakes in my life. How will grace ever cover what I've done?"

It's like the preacher at the congregation I visited yesterday said. "He will take you back. Do we deserve it? No. But it's okay because He loves us anyway and he will take us back. " That's encouraging to me.

Anytime you work in the church, there is a standard people hold you too. The key is understanding within yourself that the standard is man-made and you're no better than anyone else. Once you realize this, you can let it go and more effectively live life for Him.

God Wants Me in Russia

So, In order to make this trip, I had to raise about $18,000. Which sounds like a lot of money but if you think about the fact that it's what I'm living on for a year, it really isn't that much.

I'm not going to lie, I was terrified to start fundraising. As I've probably mentioned before, fundraising is something that every beginning missionary dreads doing. Who really wants to go around asking people for money? That's just awkward.

Anyway, I had managed to raise about $10,000. Which is pretty good. How did I do it? Well, mostly I just sent packets out to individuals explaining what I was going to be doing the next year. There was one congregation who took up a collection for me and who are also supporting me monthly. Most everything else was one-time gifts.

Now, my fundraising kind of hit a stand-still. I was hovering about that ten thousand mark and it seemed like the gifts had pretty much tapered off. Oh dear. Because there is no way I could go to Russia and be able to stay the year on $10,000. So what did I do? I sat down and figured out that if 8 individuals or congregations would pledge to support me $90 a month, I would reach my goal. I also figured out that if I had five people willing to pledge that, I would be able to make it through the year. So my goal became "five pledges but ideally, I need 8" So I prayed about it and got ready to call churches and beg for money.

But a funny thing happened. Wednesday night, I was at church and I asked for fundraising prayers. I explained what I needed and several people asked questions. The next thing I knew, one woman had said that she would be willing to pledge 90 a month. I was so excited. But then it got even better. Thursday someone else said they would pledge and Friday a family who knows me said they would support monthly as a birthday present. I prayed and waited and within three days I had three pledges. But it gets better.

The teen group I spoke to back in June was inspired by what I had to say. They decided that they wanted to kind of adopt me and help support me. So they started collecting money and they also decided to hold a comedy night fundraiser with donations going towards my trip. I had also heard that the elders at their congregation were going to match whatever they raised.

I thought about it and started praying "God, I could really use $500..." But then I stopped and thought. I mean I assumed that $500 was about what they all could do. Yet, ask and you shall receive right? Besides, I've been studying about the power of faith lately and thought this was potentially a good way to test it. So I changed my prayer. "Actually God, what I really need is $1000. It would make it so much easier if I could get $1000 from this fundraiser." After praying about it, I didn't worry about it. I figured God would make it happen.

Saturday night we went to the comedy show and had a great time! The teens did a good job and it was just and all around great evening. At the beginning of the night, one gentleman stood up and talked a little bit about my trip and what the teens had been doing to raise money for me. For example, when they went out to eat they would order water instead of pop and then take the money they would've spent on the drink and put it towards my trip. Cool things like that. Anyway, so they were talking about my trip and this man goes "They asked the leadership to match what they raise. Unfortunately, we can't write a blank check but we will match a thousand dollars." Bam! Right there, five minutes in, my prayer was answered. I was getting at least a thousand dollars from the church. Plus whatever the teens raised on top of it. Grand total I was expecting $1,500. God wasn't done yet.

Sunday evening I was visiting another congregation. After church, I got a text message from my dad. He informed me that the unofficial count from the fundraiser and teens was in. The church was giving me $1,000 and the teens managed to raise another $1,500. Grand total I'm getting about $2,500 from them. I was blown away.

When I started this post, I was going to go on and talk about how God must want me in Russia because he's brought me the money with minimal effort on my part. Maybe it sounds trite but the most work I've done specifically towards fundraising was send out those packets. Other than that all I've done is talk about it and express need. God has done an amazing job working out, not only the money but potential issues with getting into and staying in Russia as well. I am extremely blessed!

And speaking of blessings, I was thinking as I was typing this about the effort the teens put forth. I mean, they set their minds to helping me and were committed to it and look where they ended up. It's amazing! Not only that but look at the way God blesses us. I gave up time to speak to the teens. I didn't think it was a big deal but through what I said they were touched and blessed. In return, they have blessed me as well. I don't think they realize just how much having that $2,500 means to me. It's the difference between going and staying. This is the way it's supposed to work. We each give, each throw our hearts into blessing others and the blessings will come back tenfold.

My Banner is Clear

I've been haunted by things from the past of late. If you're Facebook friends with me, you may have seen that I discovered some pictures from my exchange year that I'd forgotten about. Which is cool. Good memories and everything.

I've been doing a lot of cleaning and organizing in preparation for my journey and today I discovered the Bible that I carried with me in High School. I need to take a moment to explain how I feel about Bibles. I am a huge fan of marking them up. *Gasp!* I know, right? But it's a place to keep thoughts, feelings, ideas etc about scripture and/or lessons and sermons I've heard. Hence the reason my current Bible has a journal in the margins. Perfect for notes :)

Anyway, so the Bible I carried in High School was a teen study Bible and it's pretty beat up. Not only that but some of the notes are rather interesting. The most interesting feature, however, is how I decorated the inside covers. There are notes about communion bread making, numbers for my favorite songs from our song book, the word "Believer" written in Russian and something else written in Hebrew, song lyrics and a host of other things. On the inside of the front cover is something I'd completely forgotten about.

My cousin is a preacher and when he was first doing a sermon or communion speech for us, he shared a little... I don't know it's not really a poem, with us. I copied it in to the front of my Bible because it spoke to me. I couldn't remember where it came from so I did a little research. Apparently it was written by a pastor in Africa who was martyred. I hope it brings you as much encouragement as it did me.

I am part of the fellowship of the unashamed. I have Holy Spirit Power. The die has been cast. I've stepped over the line, the decision has been made. I am a disciple of Jesus Christ!

I won't look back, let up, slow down, back away or be still. My past is redeemed, my present makes sense, my future is clear. I am finished with low-living, sight walking, small planning, smooth knees, colorless dreams, tame visions, worldly walking, cheap talking and dwarfed goals.

My face is set, my goal is fast, my goal is Heaven. My road is narrow, my way is rough, my companions are few, my Guide is reliable, my mission is clear. I won't give up, shut up, let up until I've stayed up, stored up and prayed for the cause of Christ.

I must go til he comes, give til it hurts, preach til everyone knows and work til he stops me. and when he comes to claim his own, he'll have no problem recognizing me. My banner will be clear!

It's in the Mail

oh my gosh! oh my gosh!

Yeah so my letter of invitation is totally on a FedEx truck/plane right now. This. Very. Instant. Suddenly it's hit me that I'm actually going to be leaving. Soon. What?! This is craziness. Pure craziness.

My Mother Was Right...

As much as I hate to admit it, it's true. For those of you who read this blog for the express purpose of hearing about my journey to Russia, we're going to digress a little bit today. Okay, a lot.

Anyway, growing up I was pretty much a tomboy, let's just make that clear. I preferred to be outside, didn't like to dress up and so on and so forth. I would tell my mom that I was going to stay single forever and never have kids. Instead, I wanted to be an accomplished career woman living in a little apartment in the Big City with a dog. Mom was very good. She never quashed my dreams but she always told me that it was good to keep my options open because some day I might change my mind.

Well friends, some day is today.

Okay well not literally today. But it's here. Staring me in the face.

Yes, that's right. I'm succumbing to Womanhood! *Gasp* NOOOOO!

So in recent months. Namely since May, I've discovered something interesting. I like running a household. I know, right? Me. I find myself feeling very fulfilled when I spend afternoons alternately working on Russia stuff and doing dishes and laundry. And the days I feel really special and important? The days that mom works late and it's my job to make dinner for Dad and my Brother. Oh yes... Suddenly, I find myself thinking "You know, it would be really nice to be married and have a family," Yes, that's right. I think it.

If you know me, you also know my aversion to children, or rather Children's aversion to me. I mean, I like kids and all but I've never been one of those "Let me fawn all over your children" kind of people. Kids tolerate me and I like them in small doses. So it's kind of a shocker for me when I'm sitting at the park alternately having devo time and watching the families and thinking "If those were my kids I would..." Yeah. That's right. I've started having maternal moments. It's rather terrifying actually.

Plus, I've become more sentimental in my old age.
I cry during chick flicks
I cry during disney movies
I cry during Conan the Barbarian (Okay that was because of the terrible scripting)
I cry when I read novels
I cry when I think about this summer
I cry when I hold babies

I feel like I could just go to Africa and supply all those well-less villages with water. We could just desalinate it and we'd be good to go.

All joking aside though, it's kind of weird for me to discover this. I mean I've always liked helping people. But this is different. My boyfriend stops by after work and I'm like "Let me feed you and take care of you!" (At least I don't have to walk him) or with my brother today. I informed him that I was making tacos tonight and he goes "Oh goody! I'll come home for dinner then." which made me feel all warm and fuzzy.

Basically, this terribly independent, liberated, no nonsense woman, famed for the fact that she "Don't need no man to buy/make/help/do..." has discovered that she kind of enjoys taking care of the men in her life.

Hats off to you, Momma.

Are You Still Looking for Funding?

So, things are slowly coming together. Actually, in some ways they are starting to come together quite quickly. You see, I was finally able to reach a consulate in Ukraine who said that they could help me when it was time to get a new visa. All this was well and good and I was pretty excited until I realized that I had no budget to travel to Ukraine 3ish times, stay there for two weeks and get a new visa. I was starting to stress about it and finally I had a long chat about it with God and tried not to worry.

Maybe a day or two later, I got an e-mail from Joel. Basically he informed me that we were switching things up with my visa because he was going to get me a year-long multi-entry business visa. Say what? That's right. Not only is my visa going to be good for an entire year, but I will be able to exit and re-enter the country. Can I get a Whoop-Whoop? There was a flurry of activity to get the paperwork in for the letter of invitation which, I was informed would take about a month to process. It will then be FedExed to me and it will be probably about 10 days on my end to actually get the visa, pushing my departure date back to sometime just after Sept 20th.

Which was actually just fine for me. Why? Well, because I'd been looking at my funding and even without having to go to Ukraine three times, I was still kind of worried.

Which brings me to my new favorite question:

Are you still fundraising?

I've had several people recently who are interested in funding my trip ask me this. The answer, dear friends, is always yes. I don't care what the "deadline" was on the paper. The answer is still yes.

You see, we are missionaries. What does that mean? It means that local churches and individuals support us so that we can focus our energy on teaching, preaching, encouraging, sharing and generally spreading God's word. As a result, sometimes there are sudden expenses on the field, trips, emergencies, etc. Or sometimes a congregation that has been supporting a long-term mission suddenly decides it can't any more and pulls funding.

My point in telling you this is that you shouldn't let the fact that a mission might already be funded stop you from giving. Chances are they aren't. And if by some miracle they have all the money they budgeted for, your support could go toward helping another project that otherwise might not be possible.

Now, would anyone be interested in giving $90 a month to support a lovely young lady in Russia...? :P

Why Are You Using a Russian Bible When Church is in English?

I recently met a young couple who are new to this area and had the pleasure of spending an evening at Dairy Queen getting to know them. She was an MK and grew up in Austria and Germany. He majored in Bible with an emphasis on missions and spent time in the Ukraine. One of the things we discussed was this question. Well, not this question exactly. But something similar.

Though I have never actually physically been asked this question, I'm sure there are those of you out there who have seen some random person with a Bible that looks a little bit different than yours. Namely, it looks like this: Библия: В русском переводе

Or maybe not quite like that.

But anyway, back to my story.

The next time I saw this young couple, they were kind enough to let me borrow some song books and a bible that they had picked up in Ukraine.

This does have something to do with the question. I promise.

So I've been kind of flipping through the song books and such. It's been fun seeing what songs some of the Ukrainian congregations are singing. Then I stumbled upon one of my favorite songs, Send the Light. For those of you who don't know this song, I like to think of it as kind of the "Missionary Anthem" as it's all about taking the light to people in other places.

The second verse of this song is what I find most interesting.

We have heard the Macedonian Call today,
Send the light, send the light.
And a golden offering at the cross we lay
Send the light, send the light.

Pretty straightforward right? Yay.

Well, I was skimming through the Russian and the first line was translated such:

Македонский крик звучит и в наши дни

And suddenly a light bulb went off in my head and I was like "Oh!" New understanding dawned. Why? Well because if you translate the Russian line back into English it comes out something like "The Macedonian cry sounds even in our days"

When you put it like that, it means a lot more. All of a sudden, I wasn't just thinking about a reference to some dead guy who wrote half of the New Testament (No offense, sir). Instead it suddenly became more real. The Macedonian call goes out even today. Today. Now. Right now. This very moment. We are supposed to be sending the Light. Everywhere. I guess it just made it more tangible to me.

Then, I read the rest of the Russian translation of the second verse...

Македонский крик звучит и в наши дни:
Дайте света, дайте света.
Не покиньте бедных погибать одних
Дайте света, дайте света.

So... In English we hear the call to send the light and lay golden offerings at the cross. In Russian, the call is going out to Give the light. The third line of the stanza then imperatively commands people to not leave the poor to die alone. Yes, that's what I said.

The Macedonian cry sounds even in our day,
Give the light, Give the light!
Do not leave the poor to die alone,
Give the light, give the light.

Now, I don't know about you but to me, personally reading the Russian is kind of like a slap in the face. It gives me this feeling and sense of urgency that I don't feel when I read the English version of this song. In English it's like "La la la...oh yes we should be sending someone else to take the light...yay..." In Russian it's more like "HEY! HEY! YOU! YES YOU! WE'RE DYING HOPELESS HERE, GIVE US THE LIGHT!!! HELP US!!"

I mean, no offense to Mr. Charles H. Gabriel. I'm sure he had the best of intentions and spoke from the heart when he wrote this song. And it was written in the late 1800s after all.

But this brings me back to my point. Why do I follow along in an English church with a Bible that's in Russian? Because it's amazing what you can learn. I don't know about you, but often I will sit during worship service and kind of zone out. You get to the point where it's like "I've sung this song a thousand times, I've heard sermons similar to this one, I've read this verse over and over" You've done it so many times or heard it so much that after a while you become numb to it and don't even think about it any more. So to read it in a different language, often sheds insight onto the same, old, tired thing. Often it's just because things are worded slightly differently, or you read it in a way that makes you get something new out of it.

Is all of this making sense?

Good.

I encourage any of you out there who are studying a foreign language to pick up a Bible in that language. Even if you don't know the language well. Reading will not only help you improve your language skills, but the benefits run deeper as well.

Women in Ministry

I spoke at a Ladies' day last Saturday. That plus speaking to a group of teens plus reading some friends' blogs and just a combination of things got me thinking. What about? Well, about women in ministry and women in missions.

I feel like often people don't think about women doing missions. Especially in the Church of Christ. Why? Well, because the men are supposed to be the spiritual head and they are the ones who run the worship service and therefore we women resign ourselves to teaching children's classes, making communion bread and marrying preachers.

Not that these jobs aren't important. Not by any means. I mean let's be real here, what guy knows how to make good communion bread? No, I'm just kidding. There are quite a few guys out there who cook a lot better than I do. But I digress.

My point is that you need to find your niche. The Church of Christ prides itself on being based on New Testament example. Let me tell you what Ladies, if you're not out there finding ways to share your faith, that's wrong. There are plenty of examples of New Testament women who got out there and were actively involved in the works of the church. Lydia invited people to gather in her home, Lois and Eunice brought Timothy up to know Christ and the women in Luke 8 went with Jesus and the Disciples and provided for them with their own money. Kind of a big deal since that was in the days before women's lib.

So is it wrong to go into the ministry with a husband? No. Men need a helpmate and if that's what God has called you to do, then by all means do it. But what I'm saying is that you need to consider your options and keep an open mind. Be creative. We are all called to share our faith. If we're not doing that, we're wrong.

Single ladies, I know a lot of times you think you need a husband in order to go into the ministry. But you can find your own ministry separate and apart from that. I know single women serving in Russia, China, Burkina Faso and of course here in the states. What are your talents and gifts? How can you serve? If you like children, then by all means teach children's classes. Do you relate well to teenagers? Start a mentorship program for teenage girls.

We all have people that only we can reach. Whether it's here or abroad. I think a lot of times congregations focus on certain, common ministries such as youth or seniors. Often they overlook women. So reach out to the other women in your congregation. Start a night where you get together and just have girl time.

It doesn't have to be formal, it doesn't have to be a big deal. But ladies, I encourage you to get out there and find where you belong in God's Kingdom. We are one body but we have many parts.



Please note that this does not apply to women in worship. While, like all organized denominations, I think the Church of Christ has some issues. I feel that scripturally men are the ones who need to be leading in worship. Just trying to head off the nasty comments before I get them.

Reverse Culture Shock

My brother came home from China a couple of weeks ago. It's been interesting to see how he's been dealing with being back. He was in China for two years. He came back for about six weeks last summer and didn't seem to really have any major issues with returning to the states. I think this second year he got a lot more into the culture and Chinese life though, because it's been interesting having him back.

I had a really rough time when I first came back from my exchange year in Russia. I felt extremely strange, it felt like no one understood my thoughts, feelings or views. There were things here that just didn't make sense because I was used to the Russian way of doing them. It was weird. And it's been very interesting seeing reverse culture shock from this side.

It started when we went to Dollar General. My brother started completely freaking out in the grocery aisles. I asked him why. He explained it was because a lot of the American food they were selling was hard to come by in China, or they didn't have it at all and so to be faced with it all at once and having it be so cheap was a little overwhelming. I understood. My city in Russia never had a variety of brand or varieties of a product at once. When I came back from the states, the amount of variety we have here was rather unsettling.

My brother also found it weird that he could understand everything everyone was saying. While he is not fluent in Chinese, he was exposed to it every day and gained a decent amount of survival Chinese. He was used to being able to just kind of ignore what everyone around him was saying and think about other things. Here, he finds understanding everyone to be distracting.

He also laughs because "Everyone here has an accent." Meaning he is very attuned to the patterns in which people speak. I can definitely feel him on this one. When I came back from Russia, it was weird to hear all that english. I remember my parents were watching Good Eats on the Food Network when I came in the room. I stopped, listening to Alton Brown. After a moment I was like "I have to leave." My parents asked why and I explained that Alton Brown talks funny and it was driving me nuts.

There are other things too, such as his random fits of the giggles during worship services. I've mentioned this before but other countries don't take Christianity for granted like we do. As my brother put it, "Christianity is America's folk religion." Meaning that a lot of people are "Christian" because that's what we do here.

Anyway, those are just a few interesting examples of how my brother is adjusting back to life in the states. He asks me things like how long it will last, or mentions things that bother him. I just nod and tell him I understand. Other than that I don't know what to do. Talking about it with people who've been there helps. Aside from that, you just kind of have to work through it.

A Day in the Life of a Missionary (Part A)

So, I always wondered what it is that missionaries do a on a regular basis. So I decided to do a series. This is the first part. The second part will come when I'm actually in Russia. But even though I'm not actually in-country yet, Being a missionary is still a job. So here's a sample of a day in my life.

My day starts at 3 a.m. with a call to the Russian consulate in Helsinki, Finland. I've been trying to figure out some visa issues and am attempting to call places who may be able to help. I manage to get a hold of someone at the consulate general who directs me to a different number.

3:20 a.m. My attempts at calling the new Helsinki number are met with a busy signal. I decide to try calling the consulate in Lvov, Ukraine. It's busy there as well. I try Finland again...

3:30 a.m. After trying both locations several times, I resolve to try again in a few hours.

8 a.m. I try the consulates several more times. Still nothing.

1 p.m. I work on a lesson for tomorrow night. I am speaking to a group of teenagers at a VBS about how God can work unexpectedly in their lives and can use them even when they can't completely see his plan. I get ideas for how I'm going to present my topic while creating a video to show.

5:30 p.m. I take a spiritual gifts assessment to help me better define myself and what I can help with in the Russian church.

6 p.m. I work on putting my ideas for tomorrow's talk down on paper

6:45 p.m. I eat dinner and relax with my family

So there you have it. A day in the life of a missionary who is preparing to go out on the field.

The Joys of Calling Eastern Europe (And Other Missions Things I've Discovered)

I'm supposed to be calling Eastern Europe. And Finland. You see, Russia has some interesting visa laws. Namely that a foreigner can't be there longer than three months. So we are trying to work out that once my visa expires I can go to a nearby country and get it renewed in either a couple days or a couple of weeks rather than three months.

Here's the thing about calling Eastern Europe. It's difficult. Why? Well, because of the tiny detail that there is a time difference. No big deal right? Except that the consular information people I've been trying to call are only there from 9am to 12pm. No big deal right? Well you see, that's 9-12 their time. Which is like the middle of the night here.

So not only does taking care of this business require calling in the middle of the night, but it also requires that I call the right department, the people actually pick up the phone, and I am able to talk to the supervisors. etc. Yes, it's been interesting times.

In other news, the fundraising has been going pretty well. I told my parents the other day that Someone must want me to go on this trip because I've been able to raise quite a bit with minimal effort so far. Not that I'm trying to brag. I just think it's interesting. I have about a third of what I need for the entire year in Russia. Which is amazing! God and the people I've talked to have been extremely generous. I am extremely blessed! Just because I have a third of what I need though doesn't mean that I don't have more to raise. Please continue to pray for me as I go through this process and try to get the rest of the support to go!

In my personal devotional time, I've been reading though Acts due to the mission work that goes on. It's been taking me longer than usual because I've been reading it in Russian as well as English. I read the chapter in English then spend a few days reading it a few verses at a time in Russian, writing down and looking up words I don't know. I don't have a lot of Russian church vocabulary and so am hoping that this will help increase it. It's been an interesting experience and one that I am greatly enjoying.

That's really all I've got for the moment. Things seem to be going pretty well. Again, your prayers are appreciated!

A Petulant Child

It's been an interesting few weeks. I'm not even sure where to begin.

I went through this phase of avoidance for a while. I don't know why I do this sort of thing. But I hate change and so often I will do things to avoid it. Namely by not thinking about it. Which is never good. There were times the last couple of weeks where I did a lot of thinking; wondering why I even want to go to Russia. I mean it would be so much easier to just stay here. But then I suppose that would be a waste of everything I've been preparing for.

I feel like the last couple of weeks I've been kind of like a petulant child. I was thinking about how I've made some decisions recently without really consulting God. Or, consulting God and then doing exactly what I wanted anyway. I imagined myself like a little kid stamping her foot and going "But I want this!"

It's kind of ironic that I had this image of myself because on Sunday the preacher talked about this exact thing. I feel like some of the sermons I've heard of late have directly related to me. Parts of them have really spoken to me, or related to things I've been thinking about.

It's also odd, the way that things can refocus you. I was kind of just going through the flow in a haze of uncertainty and avoidance and then I had a chat with one of my best friends. Katya and I have been friends and roommates and we can talk about just about anything. She came by my house the other day for a visit and we sat and talked for over and hour. Honestly, I can't pinpoint that there was anything exactly that she said or I said that refocused me. It was just the whole conversation. Maybe it's because we go from talking about ridiculous things like boys and scrabble and then in the next sentence talk about deeper things such as mission work, worship and where God is leading us.

In any case, it was an afternoon well spent and I came out of it going "Oh. I'm kind of dumb." I realized that some things in life are more important than others and I had been focusing on the wrong things. Again.

As our preacher put it on Sunday, God has everything worked out. He knows what's best for us. But sometimes we try to take the reins. We think we know exactly what we want and need and instead of focusing on God and trusting him to work it out, we go off on our own. I can just imagine God shaking his head as I go my own way and waiting patiently for me to come back to him. I am so grateful that he does wait patiently!

Virginia Beach Vacation

So, I couple of weeks ago I took a vacation to Virginia Beach. Why? Well because I felt like I needed a break, I'd never been to Virginia Beach and I wanted some time alone. Yeah, did I mention that I went by myself?

If you've never taken a vacation by yourself, I highly recommend it. You are beholden to no one and you can just kind of do your own thing. It is pure amazingness.

I stayed at a hotel about 8 blocks from the beach. It was a nice hotel, but if I'm going to do it again, I'd probably stay on Atlantic Ave. Right on the beach. It's definitely worth it. VB's main street is rather touristy. If you know me, you know I like to avoid super touristy places, but there were interesting things to see as well. Like the Wildfowl Heritage Museum which is free. If you go to Virginia Beach and are looking for a tasty place to eat, I'd recommend the 33rd st. Cafe. Their fish and chips are amazing and I had a nice chat with some of the locals.

All in all, I spent a couple of days essentially just lying on the beach. I ended up going the second or third week of May which was a really good time. It was warm enough to lay around on the beach, but there weren't mass amounts of people there. It was perfect and a great way to relax.

Procrastination as a Science

So, as a college student I thought I had the art of procrastination down to a T. Let me tell you what, being a senior in college, graduating in three days, It has become straight science. College senioritis is worse than High School. In High School, even though you knew it was over, you had to keep trying because you had four more years of college to get through.

Yet College is different.

College Senioritis = (graduating in 3 days/going to Russia for a year)^regular tiredness

Now if you break that all down and work it all out, you get something like this:

(Graduating/Russia)^Tiredness = an extremely long period of time
Time-BA Degree+Real World Experience= Employer not caring about undergrad classes
Employer Attitude+Ending School= Straight Apathy
Apathy+Graduation= Who really cares about this stuff anyway?


Now for all of you non-mathematically minded people (Like me), what this means is that I just don't care anymore. I mean, I kind of do. But not really. Which is a really weird feeling for me. I've spent most of my life caring about school and how well I did. But I've gotten to the point where it's like "Does any of this really matter anyway?" I mean when it really comes down to it, it's about who you know and your life experiences. I'm not being cynical either. I'm just stating a fact.

Do I feel like the past three years of my life have been wasted on a useless degree? Well, sometimes. But mostly not. I mean SPU has given me a good run. I've learned a lot here. Being at a really liberal campus has given me perspectives that I never would have gotten elsewhere. Not only that, but I've made some really great friends throughout my time here. So all in all, it was worth being $15,000 in debt I suppose. It was worth the experience.

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to stop procrastinating these last three projects.

On Grace

So I heard a sermon recently about grace.

Do you ever have one of those times where people tell you something over and over and you're like "yeah, okay" but it doesn't really affect you. Then one day someone says the exact same thing you've been hearing, but said in a way that all of a sudden it hits you and you're like "oh! WOW!"
Yeah, this sermon was like that.

I'm not going to lie, there have been things in my life recently that have been getting me down. Really down. Stupid things I've done, mistakes I've made. I just keep thinking that this is not a good thing. I'm a sinner. So I search the scriptures, trying to find a way to make it right with God. People kept telling me "Just give it up to God, let it go." But I wanted to make it right some how. I thought that there had to be something, somewhere that would tell me how to make it right. Then I heard the sermon.

It was like hitting a brick wall. The proverbial light bulb went off over my head. Because the preacher talked about how the law was never possible to follow perfectly and the law won't save us. There is a point where we have to just let it go and give it up to God. It's his grace that covers us, that saves us, that continually brings us back to him. My job is to ask for forgiveness, change my life and let God take care of the rest. If I pursue God whole-heartedly, he will bless me and cause growth in my life.

I'm sure there are some of you out there, who are like "Well, duh, Abigail. You're a little slow on that train." Maybe I am. But it's nice to have a reminder once in a while. Let me tell you what, after hearing that sermon, I could feel the things I'd been carrying around for weeks and months just slip away. It was like the feeling I had when I was first baptized and I came out of the water feeling clean and new. It was a good feeling.

The First Presentation

So last Sunday I did my fundraising presentation for my congregation I attend while at school. Let me just say that even though it's a tiny church, they are some of the most loving people you will ever meet in your life. Walking into that church feels like coming home.

They set aside Bible class time for me. 45 minutes. I wasn't sure I was going to be able to take the whole time, but it actually worked out well. The presentation itself took about half an hour which left time for questions. The questions took about 15 minutes so it was timed perfectly.

One thing I've discovered so far, the most difficult thing is talking to people you know. You would think it wouldn't be. I mean you know the people, the people know you. It should be a good thing, but for me it is extremely difficult to ask people you know for money. I've found this with my job at SPU's phone center as well. It's because you kind of know about people and what some of their means are and you feel really awkward. Plus you're invested in these people and you want their approval. It's a little scary to give a presentation to them because what if you mess up, or they judge you. I get worried about what people will think. But I digress.

The congregation was extremely enthusiastic. Which made me feel encouraged. I was also encouraged by the fact that they are going to put me on their prayer list and petition the Father on my behalf.

It's a really good feeling, to know that people are praying for you. Lately I've felt that I'm going to really need said prayers. I've been feeling inadequate. Like I'm not going to know enough to be able to effectively minister to the people of St. Petersburg. I can feel this turning into a separate blog post, so I'm just going to stop there.

My congregation had a little reception for me before services Sunday evening since I'm graduating and all. They also presented me with a Bible they had all signed which was awesome. In addition they told me that the collection they take up on May 15th is going to go to me and they would also like to support me monthly! Thank God for their warmth and generosity. Going to be talking with them about how much monthly support they'd like to give over the next couple of weeks.

I'm home for Easter this weekend and while I'm here, I'm going to be talking to my Sponsoring Congregation about when they would like me to do my presentation. Originally, I was going to go to Abilene, TX for a missions conference during the weekend of the 15th but apparently they cancelled it, which I was really disappointed about. In any case, it actually works out because I'm going to see if Alliance would like me to speak on that date. I'm also going to be talking to them about taking up a special collection to support my mission.

There is one other congregation I need to make arrangements with. They have connections to people at Alliance, and have been looking to support foreign missions. Apparently they heard about what I am planning on doing and definitely want me to come and speak. I'm actually going to be seeing some people from that congregation on Sunday and so plan on talking to them about when they would like me to come.

So I have three congregations lined up. I've already had a few gifts come in which is awesome. In addition, I won a language prize in Russian at SPU which came with money. I've committed that to the mission. So far, God has blessed me with several hundred dollars. I say it like that because honestly, the money I've received so far has come through no effort of my own. It just kind of appeared. Which is awesome! My mother thinks that God wants me to be there.

It's hard not to worry about the money. I need quite a bit to make it through the year. But I'm trying to keep in mind that God seems to have his hand in this trip from the beginning. From the time I called ACU and got the wrong department until now. He's made it happen and guided it and I pray that he continues to look on this with favor.

I'm getting ready to send out info packets to individuals and some other local congregations. Please continue to pray as I work toward raising the support I need.

Presentation

I finally finished my fundraising presentation. It was a load off my mind. Nice to have it done and now I can finally start giving it. Which by the way, my first presentation is tomorrow, at the congregation here where I go to school. They told me they would be my Guinea Pigs. XD

I've been feeling more like a missionary lately. Does that even make sense? Maybe it's a sense that "yes, this is what I'm going to be doing the next year of my life." Or maybe it's just that I can think about it more now that school is winding down for the last time. In any case, I've been thinking a lot about fundraising, suitcase packing, insurance and various other odds and ends. Going to have to explore these feelings more.

In any case, my presentation is, of course, all about my trip, goals, and of course a plea for money. It's funny how life skills can help you though. I've worked like two years at SPU's phone center calling Alumni and raising funds for them. Giving a fundraising presentation is basically the same thing, only the money goes to directly support my work.

One question that people have been asking me already is if I'm using PowerPoint for this presentation. The answer is "no." Having spent the last three years listening to professors "teach" using PowerPoint, I've decided that I am on a personal crusade to take down the software. Okay, not really. I've just decided that I'm tired of it. Last semester I found out about this great presentation software called Prezi. It's better than PowerPoint because it does away with the tediousness of slides. In addition it has a nice flow. If you are interested to see how I've utilized this software for fundraising, you can view the presentation below.

I'm slightly nervous about giving this presentation tomorrow. I think mostly because it's the first time I've done it. The more times I do it, the easier it will get. I remember how after a time or two giving presentations to English classes the last time I was in Russia, it kind of worked itself out and was no big deal. Hopefully this will be the same way.

Fundraising on Prezi

My Identity Through Song

For my music class, I had to write an essay about a song that defines my life. The following essay is what resulted.

When I found out the topic for this essay, I had no trouble thinking of a song to fit my life. Throughout my years, there have been many songs that have been many things to me, but there has only been one that quintessentially sums up my life and that is “Breakaway” by Kelly Clarkson. This song was a single from her 2004 album of the same name. About the time this song came out, I was in high school making some big decisions in my life and “Breakaway” became my favorite because it so perfectly described my life; where I'd come from and where I was going.

I grew up on my family's farm in rural Ohio. My family was large and ever present and I never lacked for love or attention, but there was a part of me that was searching for something else. Clarkson's lyrics follow the same pattern. The first verse of the song talks about growing up in a small town and wondering what it would be like to get out and see the world. “Dreamin' of what could be and if I'd end up happy, I would pray,” Even as a kid I never wanted to follow the paths that everyone else did. I always wanted to get out and do something different with my life.

The second half of the first verse also describes my life. I never quite felt like I completely fit in during my high school years. While many students focused on clothes, parties and a social life, I preferred reading. I guess you could say I was rather nerdy which wasn't the cool thing to be in high school. I had a small group of friends which helped, but there were times when I felt completely isolated from my peers. Much like the song, there were times that I tried to “reach out, but when I tried to speak out, felt like no one could hear me.” So I accepted the fact that I was the way I was and did my best to get through high school.

An opportunity for change presented itself to me during my senior year of high school. It was what I had been waiting for, a chance to, “spread my wings and learn how to fly,” I applied for and was accepted into Rotary Youth Exchange. After high school graduation, I would be taking a year to go to Russia as an exchange student. Not only that, but I was going to be living in Siberia which seemed like even more of an adventure. I was extremely excited about this opportunity. It would allow me to get out of my small town and see the world. Maybe I wouldn't be lying on beaches like Clarkson in her second verse, (Siberian winters are extremely cold after all), but I was putting myself out there and trying to risk it all to do something different with my life just like the song's chorus “make a wish, take a chance, make a change and breakaway.”

“I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly, though it's not easy to tell you goodbye,” Clarkson sings in the final repetition of the chorus. It wasn't easy to tell my family and friends goodbye, but going to Russia was one of the best decisions I've ever made. That year long journey taught me a lot about who I was and what I was capable of. It also strengthened my relationship with God and made me realize just how much I need him in my life.

It has been almost a full three years since I've been back in the States. I'm getting ready to graduate and though I'm going to be heading back to Russia to do mission work for a year, I no longer put “Breakaway” on repeat and listen to it over and over. That stage of my life has passed. Now it doesn't matter whether I fit in or not. What matters is that I have gained confidence in the knowledge of who I am and what I can do.

Relief

Let me just take a moment and tell you how awesome God is.
I just came off of spring break. Well, it was sort of a break but I did do a ton of homework and such while at home, because, well, there's a lot of it to do. By the end of my time at home, I'd gotten through some things and worked really hard at it, but there were still some things that needed to be done.

Friday for example, I went to bed thinking "Okay, I have this ten page paper that's due Tuesday and I have no topic and not a lot of research. Plus I have a Psych test on the same day that I haven't studied for yet and..." The list went on, full of things I had to do my first few days back or shortly thereafter. Even though there were only six weeks of school left, I had no idea how I was going to get through them. I thought to myself "If only the paper were due Thursday, then I would have time to do it." Then I thought to myself "Well, with God all things are possible and he'll get me through the next six weeks." I feel asleep.

When I woke up on Saturday morning, I checked my e-mail. The professor of the class where I had to write the paper informed us that she was moving the due date to Thursday. I was happy. "Good," I thought. "Now I'll be able to get this stuff done." Yet life can be tricky. I didn't get as much done as I hoped and I was super stressed. I was really upset when my parents brought me back to school Sunday night. How am I ever going to get this stuff done? I just kept telling myself that it would work out somehow, I had no idea how. But it would.

Sunday afternoon, I worked on research for my paper, and I kind of forgot that I had that Psych test on Tuesday. It's okay I can always study tomorrow. Monday, one thing lead to another and it was 11 p.m. before I was able to even open my notes and look at them. Fail. I prayed. "Dear Lord just please get me through this test tomorrow. Please. Have mercy on me because I didn't study. Help me."

When I got the test on Tuesday, I started to panic looking at the multiple choice questions. I prayed again, flipped the test to the back and started with the short answer. After answering a few questions there and mentally chanting a prayer "Lord, Help me! Help me! Help me!" My brain seemed to unlock and I was able to at least complete the test. After I made it through, I decided that my Tuesday afternoon would be dedicated to finishing stuff for my online class that's due Thursday and then I would spend Wednesday afternoon writing my paper. It was a great idea, except my professors had other plans.

My translation professor gave us a huge translation due Thursday, plus a final draft of another translation also due Thursday. So now I had an entire unit to do for my online class, two translations to work on and a ten-page paper, all due Thursday. So last night, I spent hours working on the online class. I managed to even beast the test which made me happy.

This brings us to this afternoon. I get back from class and I'm like "Okay, I'm going to do the translation first because it won't take as long, and then I'll do as much as I can on the paper. If worse comes to worse, I'll e-mail her and ask for an extension through the weekend, because once I get through the week, I'll have time to do it." So I sit down at the computer. Before getting started, I decide to check my e-mail because the Prof in the class where the paper's due said she would send us some information. There was no e-mail from her, but my psych prof sent one saying she had posted the grades. I went and checked mine and immediately began giggling hysterically. My roommate asked what was going on. "Would you believe it? I got a 90! I did better on this exam than my last exam!" God is awesome. And before you go saying "Yeah, right you prayed and he gave you an A." Let me just explain a little more because it gets better.

So I was trying to decide if I wanted to e-mail the other prof about a paper extension now, or wait and see how much I got done. I decided to look at my e-mail again and keep it pulled up in case she did e-mail. To my surprise when I reloaded the page, there was a note from her. It's subject "Paper Extension." My breath caught as I opened it.

"Dear Students, I was having trouble uploading some things so I will try it again tonight. In the meantime, I'm extending your paper due date to Tuesday, April 5th."

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! <----- That's what I did. My roommate goes "Are you okay?" I replied that I wasn't sure whether I wanted to laugh or cry. She gave me a funny look and went to class. Turns out I did both. I laughed and then I hit the floor literally crying in relief. Whereas before all I could do was say "Lord have mercy, help me" over and over now all I could say is "Thank you!"

Maybe it's a coincidence. It's possible I suppose. I don't know what it was about the situation. I mean, I kept telling myself it would work out. I don't know that I felt like I had complete trust that it would, but deep down I think I knew that this was fleeting. Maybe it has nothing to do with prayer and everything to do with people. It's possible. But let me explain that in my time here I don't think I've ever had a paper due date moved before. If I have it's only been once. Never twice. I wasn't sure I'd be able to do it, but doggone it I was going to try and I was determined to make it through this week. Now I know I'm going to.

The first thing I thought of when I got up was the parable Jesus tells Simon Peter in Luke 7. Jesus talks about two men who are in debt. One owes fifty denarii and one five hundred. The man whom they are indebted to cancels both debts. Jesus' then asks "Which will love him more?" and Peter answers the one who had the greater debt. I feel like I understand that man in debt a little better now.