Конец Мира

Ну вот и все. So I'm leaving tomorrow. It's nuts. It doesn't feel real but at the same time it feels entirely too real. Ten and a half months ago do you know what I was doing? I was hanging out with my friends for the last time. And now it's the opposite. Just over ten and a half months ago my parents were taking me to the airport, and my mom was saying "If anything, we'll meet right back here in Ten and a half months." While we were at the baggage claim. That's something that's stuck with me over the last ten months. The fact that at the end of it, we'd meet right back where we started.

I've been busy the last few days, meeting with friends and my 'family' here. Yesterday, I made a call to my parents working out last minute details on a hotel in Moscow. A 15 hour layover means spending the night.

It's just weird. Now I have to go back. I have to be a grown-up. Go to college, get a job, that kind of thing. I'm not sure I'm ready to be an adult. Not sure I'm ready to go back to life in Ohio where I have responsibilities to people and places and things.

And I can't be a kid, because I don't feel like a kid at all anymore. I don't know when it happened, exactly, but at some point, I realized that I hadn't felt like a teenager in a long time. Hadn't felt like a kid in a long time. So I can't go back. Only forward. I just keep telling myself that going back is going to be the start of another adventure, but after being here, it's hard to think of it that way.

It's strange to think that I can go back to my native language now. That in two days, I'll be speaking only english. Seeing only english, hearing only english. It's depressing. I don't want to stop speaking russian. I like it.

Okay, so maybe this post is rather disoriented. Sorry, that's how I'm feeling at the moment. It's all so weird. I can't believe I'm going back to Ohio.

Even though there's things I hate about this city, I'm always going to have a soft spot for it. It's like the fact that there's things I love and hate about my city back in Ohio. But it's where I was born, where I grew up so I have a soft spot for it. In the same way, I grew up in a sense here. Yakutsk is where I learned about Russia, where I learned about the culture and the language and so in a sense my Russian self grew up here.

Okay, I've talked enough. Consider this my last post from Russia. The next one comes from American soil.